A soulmate is a person, or a handful of people, with whom you are deeply bonded with and share a powerful comprehension of one another in a way that others do not understand. For us girls, I think we tend to have really deep and emotionally intimate bonds with our long-term female friends. We build up trust and familiarity with that person over the course of the friendship in ways that we are typically unable to build with male friends or with certain female friends. Platonic soulmates are much deeper than just a good friendship; they understand you in ways that others don’t. These soulmates are often the people that, when asked to describe how it feels to be around them, you might say it just feels ‘right’ or like you couldn’t imagine life any other way.
Mary Lamia of Psychology Today writes that, “The ineffable experience of being known by and knowing another lends itself to the mythical image of soulmates as two wandering souls finally reuniting.” Lamia goes on to explain that oftentimes, the reason some people click with us in this soulmate way is because of the communication of both verbal and non-verbal cues. When you are highly attuned to a certain person, you will hear the tone, pitch, and stress in their voice that other friends may not necessarily pick up on or understand. Soulmates also share experiences of subjective emotions. Girls often share emotional experiences with other friends, boys, self-esteem, and any number of topics—and these are some that most men will not understand in the same way.
Both of these things contribute to this deeper understanding and emotional intimacy that we may feel with our soulmate bonds. You may feel like that person just gets you so well, and that is probably because they do. The soulmate will have shared the same emotional experiences as you and oftentimes with you, therefore creating that feeling of emotional intimacy. Deeper understanding comes from the psychological attunement to a person. It is rare that these kinds of connections come from new friends or guys that you casually date, as part of the connection comes from having known someone for a long time and hearing their experiences and knowing how they act.
Lamia also mentions how with romantic relationships, it must be absent of the obsessional stages of early relationships, or what you might call the honeymoon phase. Relationship soulmates must be able to nurture each other on an emotional and intellectual level and be able to grow together, rather than being stagnant. It is evident for both friendships and relationships that time is necessary in building a soulmate bond, but it is particularly true in relationships. We are often quick to say someone we are dating is our soulmate or the love of our life just because they are X, Y and Z rather than because we have spent enough time with them to truly form the soulmate connection.
In friendships, we’re usually not in a rush to call someone a soulmate. There’s no pressure to have a certain level of intimacy or depth of friendship. By not having the same relational pressures, I think it can be much easier for us to build a genuine emotional and intellectual connection. It is not based on attraction or any other vain principle, either. You are able to take plenty of time to build a bond which comes from a genuine and empathetic place. Your friendship with that person is because you share values or interests or beliefs, and as you develop the friendship with pure intentions, you may find that you relate to one another on otherworldly level.
For me personally, my best friend, Megan, is certainly my soulmate. I believe our five-year friendship exemplifies how a soulmate connection is formed. We met in our church’s youth group, which was our initial shared value that drew us together, and as we spent more time around each other, we realized our personalities were very similar and we seemed to just click. After being friends with her for years, I can confidently say that girl understands me on a spiritual and otherworldly level. Words aren’t even needed for us to understand each other anymore and she gets me in ways no one else does. Especially now that we are both in college and living on different sides of the country, we have still stayed incredibly close and never faltered in our friendship. I know platonic soulmates are real because of her, and my hope is that everyone has or will find a friend who is that special.