Let’s face it: Life gets hard. Really hard.
You might be in yours 20, 40s, 80s , and life will still knock you down. It does not discriminate. During college, it’s especially hard. Between schools, jobs and generally managing life, sometimes it feels like you are the only person in the world that’s struggling.
That’s where Heather Havrilesky’s advice column, Ask Polly, comes in. Once you begin reading the columns written for The Cut, you’ll never want to stop. The New York Times described her as “the cool married woman you meet at work who has an office while you’re still at a cubicle, who invites you in to cry when you go through a breakup so you don’t have to weep at your desk.”
The Ask Polly questions unpack a great deal of emotions. It’s comforting to hear from someone who has been through it all and offers tangible advice. I re-read different columns when I need to hear kind words. When I first came across this advice column, I felt like I hit a goldmine. It really puts into perspective the power that words have to heal, move and inspire us. Reading all the letters people send in reminds me that these feelings are universal. She reminds us that we are all people, and people make messed-up decisions but also make great ones. We are in control of our stories. Just because you messed up, does not mean you are a mess-up. One column is even called “I Love My Boyfriend, But I Can’t Stop Cheating!” The broad array of topics is a testament to how much people trust Polly’s advice.
With that being said, here are my top three favorite Ask Polly columns on The Cut.
‘Holly Craps, Who the Hell He Thinks He Is?’
“Real, lasting sparkles come from one person, a person with the audacity to believe that happiness will be hers in spite of great flaws … Real sparkles can be found right here, right now. Consider making yourself a cup of tea. Consider how loved you are, right now, even though he’s gone. Consider the sky, framed by tree branches. Twenty-two years is not a long time. You might not find love for a while, but you can believe in it anyway.”
This is a piece about heartbreak, but it leads into a piece about life. It is one of my favorites because it reminds me that love and loss are universal feelings. Even when it feels like no one else has gone through what you are going through, chances are, someone has (and they’ve probably written to Polly about it). This is an important piece for everyone to read as 2019 nears its end. It is a reflection about life and what it means. Is life really one big nothing? What is love, really, if people can love you one day and abandon you the next? You cannot shield your life from hurt, but you can believe in life. You choose to believe in the sparkles.
‘Are You Happier Than You Were in Your 20s?’
“So your answer is that yes, it does get better. If you let the world in without fear, if you learn from your mistakes without defining yourself by them, it gets much, much better. When you are shattered and pieced together again and you know it but don’t blame yourself for it, it actually feels good. You are a million tiny shards of light, fragile, and formidable at the same time … But it feels that way only after you know that we are all in this together.”
As I get closer to my 20th birthday, this quote reminds me that life is not going to get easier. Of course, there are memories and laughs and loves to create, but your 20s can be a daunting time, too. Polly reminds us that this is okay. Your 20s are for learning the hard lessons: loving the wrong people, apologizing too often and being afraid of what comes ahead. I know that one day I will be looking back on my 20s (and probably this advice column), thinking about how incredibly young and naive I was. Until then, I will try my best to live life as fully as possible.
‘How Do I Decide What to Do With My Life?’
“Be a question mark. Take up space, own your lost, confused feelings, and forget your slideshow and your prepared comments. Listen instead. Own where you are, and then make more room for where other people are. When you’re undecided and wishy-washy, that’s a very good time to recede into the background slightly and train your focus on others.”
This is a question we have all wondered ourselves. We have all been filled with fear about our future: Where is my life headed? What am I going to do with my life? Luckily, Polly has answers. This piece reminds me that we are all people who constantly evolve. Our goals, passions and values are not set in stone the day we are born. As we experience life, what we believe in changes.