There’s no denying that social media plays a substantial role in life in the 21st century. It affects the way we present ourselves, the way we view others and the way others view us. Because we have spent most of our young adult lives with the large factor of social media in them, we have become accustomed to the effects it has on us, and we fail to question why social media has the effect on us that it does.
I have just recently noticed that the norms we have around social media for dating are especially alarming. What’s the first thing you do after you meet a cute girl or guy? I bet almost everyone in our generation would answer “add him/her on Snapchat or follow him/her on Instagram.”
This isn’t the issue at hand, however. What I find disturbing is the way we define our relationships off of social media. For example, I remember one of my friends asking me in high school if it bothered me that my boyfriend at the time hadn’t posted any pictures on Instagram with me. I had never thought anything of it before, but suddenly, I was questioning our whole year-long relationship. Was he ashamed of me? Did he not want his girl followers to know I existed? Would other people think our relationship wasn’t strong?
Despite being happy and knowing that our relationship was thriving, these societal norms around social media led me to second guess what I knew we had in real life. That is just one example of the detrimental effects a life revolving around social media can have on our relationships.
We decide if someone is interested in us based on if they “like” our pictures. We all know the exact amount of time you just HAVE to wait to respond to a text or open a Snapchat. We analyze who watches our Snapchat stories and question why they stop watching them when they do. We tear ourselves apart when we get left on “read.” And we wouldn’t ever dare “double-snap” someone.
Even though I most definitely adhere to these peculiar norms, I have just recently started to question why I do. Why do these norms have to exist? If you truly have a connection with someone, shouldn’t you be able to respond to them whenever you desire without fear that they will think you’re clingy? The fact that someone can be labeled as “clingy” for texting back quickly, opening a Snapchat before 15 minutes has passed or “liking” too many Instagram pictures is absolutely absurd.
I know that social media plays a substantial role in our lives and will continue to – I’m not denying that. What I think needs to completely change is the way we overall define our relationships.
There is no way we are ever going to rid the feelings we have around likes, texts and social media interactions, but what we can do is actively try to focus more on our in-person interactions.
Of course my heart is still going to flip when I see that the one person I wanted to like my picture did, but I shouldn’t let that be the sole emotion to define where my relationship status stands with this person. I think we need to pay more attention to how our love interest/boyfriend/girlfriend treats us in person. If he or she gives you the time of day you deserve whenever you are together in real life, you should notice that even if he or she doesn’t necessarily respond to your texts at a lightning speed.
Social media is a fun part of life in the 21st century, but that doesn’t mean it has to be our whole life – especially in the aspect of relationships.