I’m a hopeless romantic. I’ve fallen head over heels for boys since before I can remember; I’ve hand-picked gifts, written names in diaries, and done a whole lot of wishing; and you know what? I am over it; i’m so f***ing over it.
I think I, like a lot of women I know, have had this perception that the “right love” will “save me.” From what? I’m not too sure, maybe insecurity, crisis or desire? But can you really blame me? From the moment I could comprehend moving pictures, I watched beautiful princesses be rescued by handsome princes. Once I outgrew these fantasy cartoons, Julia Stiles, Lindsay Lohan and Hilary Duff painted the epic dream of high school romance, and I lived by it.
I fully believed I would’ve had my movie moment by now. Maybe if it somehow escaped me in my middle school years at summer camp, or on my high school hiking trip, or my senior year prom…it would for sure happen in my first year of college, right?!
I’m nineteen, and I have never really kissed a boy. I’m Drew Barrymore in the 1999 cult classic, and I’m NOT going back to high school! I would be remiss to say it doesn’t hurt, because it does.There is a unique type of pain felt by the girls who never were really noticed or hit on. But self-pity aside, I’m declaring men and their fleeting, meaningless attention, overrated!
Am I bitter at the ripe age of nineteen? You know maybe I am, but I really deserve so much more than a life reduced to flirts and flaunts of a guy. And honestly, I feel like my dating-free life has given me a unique and remarkable outlook on relationships. I have spent the formative years of my life no lovey dovey oxytocin messing with the way I think or changing the way I act. I have been able to grow within myself, discover my own hobbies and find my passions. I have learned through friends’ mistakes the patterns to avoid and red flags to take notice of. I truly think, ego aside, being single is one of the most positive experiences I have had. While lust and love are electric and exciting, I have watched friends give up time and pieces of themselves for temporary partners who leave them broken. Watching classmates fight in unhealthy relationships because they are too naive to break up is heartbreaking. And worst of all, I’ve listened to friends rave about their boyfriends, only to find out these boys treated them how no person ever should be. There is no question that all dating has risks, but when both participants are flooded with hormones, insecurities and immaturity many things can go wrong. While I’m all for the “everything has a lesson” philosophy, these things can leave serious damage.
Beyond the emotional aspect of your relationships, the physical aspect brings risks as well. People can go into relationships with incomplete sex education which can lead to unplanned pregnancies and poor consent practices. (Look up my girl Ginger for all things sex @gingerr_and_spice) In addition, sex can be bad for women because of a partner’s lack of knowledge, and typically young couples (because of age and stigma) are less likely to have open conversations regarding sexual preferences. Humans are inherently sexual beings and setting a good foundation for pleasure is very important, no shame should be involved.
The last thing I’ll say is that freedom is awesome. In relationships you sacrifice, and no matter the cost-benefit weight, being able to live your life completely based on your own motivations is so cool. While you are young, parentless and free embrace it. Buy yourself flowers, give your friends chocolates on Valentine’s day and try new hobbies.
Trust me, this is all easier said than done. It is time for me to put my “big girl” pants on, turn off “10 Things I hate about you” and delete Hinge once and for all. I have realized my real love lies in the sunsets, stars, animals, the ocean and myself.