Do you ever feel like every song, book, show and movie you listen to, read or watch is romance-heavy? Everything is always love this and love that. If you really think about it, all of your favorite works of fiction probably have some iconic couple attached to them, even if they’re not categorized under romance.
I don’t mean to make this sound like a bad thing. Personally, I love love. Love songs and love stories have always been my thing. Still, it’s interesting to think how immersed we are in romance. The world of fiction thrives on crafting these perfect, irresistible couples we just can’t get enough of. We live for slow-burn romance and the enemies to lovers trope; we’re all suckers for unexpected love and opposites that attract. I bet we could each name at least five of our favorite fictional couples without giving it much thought.
Have you ever considered just how influential these fake love stories have been on our own real love stories? Has it ever occurred to you that maybe our perception of love has been shaped at least in part from our favorite songs, books, shows and movies?
With this in mind, I interviewed three collegiate women. I asked a series of questions about romantic fiction they’ve been exposed to and how they feel it has shaped their idea of love.
First, I asked the three women to name one of their favorite romantic-centered books, movies or shows. I then asked them to pick a couple from that story. I’ve changed their names here for the sake of privacy.
Janet, 21, chose Derek and Meredith from “Grey’s Anatomy.”
Tessa, 20, picked Monica and Chandler from “Friends.”
Savannah, 20, talked about Nathan and Haley from “One Tree Hill.”
Interestingly, they all chose shows without being prompted to do so. Likely, this is because shows are longer and more in-depth than the latter. They probably felt they could talk more about couples they’ve seen in numerous episodes versus those they read about or watched in a single book or movie.
After they chose their couples, I asked the following: How did the show portray their relationship? When you think back on their relationship, does anything stand out to you that you’d once believed and now seems a bit fictitious or even ridiculous? Did you ever strive to be like that couple, and what about them made you want to be like them?
Janet first talked about the age gap between Derek and Meredith, as well as the fact he was her boss… actually, her boss’ boss. Janet said that, looking back on it now, this seems a little too made-up, especially in the hospital setting. Janet then switched gears, touching on the fact that despite this, their relationship was admirable.
“They went through a lot of difficult times,” she said. “Sometimes it made more sense for them to be apart, but they were patient and worked through their issues. They understood that ultimately, they were better together.”
Tessa, who chose Monica and Chandler from the sitcom “Friends,” said their relationship made her want something “easy and right in front of her face.” She said every person she’s been in a relationship with was her friend first, and that she has always wanted the person she’s dating to be more like her best friend than anything else. She did say that, thinking of it now, it did seem a bit fictitious that all of Monica and Chandler’s friends just accepted the relationship after its initial shock.
“In real life,” Tessa said, “relationships in friend groups are sometimes hard because of jealousy and drama.”
Savannah described Haley and Nathan’s relationship as “the stereotypical high school jock falling for the good girl star student.” When she first watched the show, Savannah said she loved how they got married, had kids and were truly an “endgame couple.” Now, though, she said it seems like they got married so quickly and at such a young age.
“It’s not very common for a couple to get married and have children in high school, so while it seemed ideal because of the love they had for each other, it wasn’t very realistic,” she said.
Still, Savannah admired their relationship, having always been the good girl type herself.
“I thought their relationship was inspiring because although they came from very different groups in school, they definitely were meant for each other,” she said.
I then asked the women to answer this next set of questions: Now think about your current perception of love. How do you view real-life relationships, specifically your own relationships? Are you currently in a relationship or have you been in one before? If yes, is it anything like that of the fictitious relationship we discussed before? If not, do you have any expectations based on fictitious influences?
Janet is currently in a relationship. She compared her own experience to Derek and Meredith’s — specifically their ability to overcome their problems.
“In the beginning of Meredith and Derek’s relationship, they had a lot of ups and downs and so they always knew it would be difficult,” she said. “In an actual relationship, I’ve found what’s really important is how you deal with problems in the beginning. The way you handle even small problems will set the tone for the rest of your relationship.”
Janet learned from Derek and Meredith’s messy relationship that you can’t let outside factors come between you and your person. She looks up to her favorite fictitious couple in that they worked through big, life-altering problems and came out stronger on the other side. However, she vowed to not let as many outside things disturb her own relationship as easily as Derek and Meredith had.
Tessa is also in a relationship — one that had started similarly to Monica and Chandler’s epic friends-first romance. Tessa said she thinks the best way to find a real, authentic relationship is to get to know the person first and to give people a chance.
“It’s going to be hard to have a successful relationship if you only go after people because of a physical attraction rather than personality or similar interests,” she said.
Tessa went on to add her current relationship is with someone she’s known for years but had never thought of in a romantic way — just like Monica and Chandler. She had always strived for a connection like theirs, and so she was happy to report that she and her real-life Chandler are very happy so far.
Savannah has never been in a serious relationship.
“My perception of love comes strictly from the people around me and fictitious relationships… I kind of base my whole perception on fictitious relationships because that’s all I really know,” she said.
Savannah said she believes the key to any successful relationship is communication and respect for your partner. Nathan and Haley’s ability to work through all they had from such a young age was, to Savannah, the result of these two values. When she has a relationship of her own, she is determined to act as such in order to maintain as meaningful a relationship as Nathan and Haley had.
Janet, Tessa and Savannah each gave an array of answers and a lot to think about. Janet seemed to discover that her favorite on-screen couple was far more dramatic than need be, while Tessa made a clear connection between her choice and her own relationship. Savannah, on the other hand, chose the type of couple she could see herself in and vowed to take the good they’d done and replicate it herself someday.
One learned from overly cinematic problems to better her own real-life relationship.
One sought a friendship-based relationship she’d seen on-screen and went as far as to find it for herself.
One recalled and analyzed a love story she’d always felt well-suited for and hopes to have for herself one day.
Admittedly, I had expected more negativity before conducting this interview. I hadn’t thought each woman would take a positive approach in explaining what they had learned from fiction rather than what it had misled them to believe.
Personally, each one of the featured couples are among my favorites, too. From Derek and Meredith, I learned — just like Janet — that it’s important to be patient and to remember that, despite the hardships, you’re “better together.” Similar to Tessa, I also strive for a best-friends-first relationship like Chandler and Monica and put personality above all else. Like Savannah, I resonate with the good-girl stereotype and admire the unexpected yet unshakeable connection between Haley and Nathan.
Going forward, I’ll likely view every fictitious relationship as a lesson to be learned. Though, this isn’t such a bad thing… fiction is, after all, just a fabrication of reality!