Navigating sex with roommates lurking is like trying to quietly open a bag of potato chips on the fifth floor of Marston – certainly a challenge, but not entirely impossible. This is the guide you didn’t know you needed for getting it on when you have roomies.
Whether you are a freshman stuck in a triple dorm, a sorority girl who “would never bring a boy in the house” or an upperclassman living it up at The Standard, navigating a fulfilling sex life with roommates around poses its unique challenges. This guide will give you tips on talking about sex with your roommates, how and when to bring a partner home, and sex etiquette in communal spaces:
Talking to Roommates
First things first: it is important to have honest conversations with your roommates about sex. These conversations don’t have to be highly explicit to be effective – though I’ve found it is much more fun that way.
A great starter conversation for roommates is to ask each other about your schedules and sharing locations. Does your roommate have class at noon right when you and your lover get off work? Awesome time to get it on without having to tell your roommate you are about to get freaky on your twin bed.
Nevertheless, this strategy is not foolproof. You must have a fallback if your roommate has to make an emergency trip back. Something as classic as a sock on the door can indicate to your roommate that you are doing something private and that they should knock, so they don’t walk in on something they don’t want to see.
If you are down to talk to your roommates more frankly, you can schedule times for your roommate to spend the night at a friend’s or go study for a few hours with the knowledge of what you are getting up to.
If that is not an option, then exploring alternate locations might be your next best choice. A sleepover at your lover’s house, sneaky car rendezvous or a night in a hotel might be just what you need.
Ultimately, if you are living in the same room as someone, you need to respect boundaries. Dorm life is especially challenging, and an RA is not going to side with you if your roommate complains about walking in on you screwing.
If you live in an apartment with your own room, your conversations should center more around setting boundaries on if you even feel the need to notify each other that you are having sex. If that answer is a yes, then refer to the tips above.
How and When to Bring a Partner Home
There can be a lot of pressure to seek the roomie’s seal of approval. It’s not fun when your roommate does not like your lover. Finding the appropriate moment depends on a few things, but mostly: are they a hookup or long-term?
Bringing home a spontaneous hookup should be a conversation with your roommate. The thought of a random person in my home unannounced seems a little scary. So, having a preemptive conversation on if your roommate is cool with hookups in your shared space is a good idea.
If they give an astounding “Yes! Whenever you want! I don’t care!” then easy money. Just shoot your roomie a text to let them know you are bringing someone home.
If your roommate is cool with it but not necessarily all the time, then that’s great too. Just let them know early in the night that you might be bringing someone home and if they say it’s okay, then feel free to.
If you get a firm “no” or “not tonight,” then that is a fair answer. I promise getting off is not worth ruining the roommate relationship. Either go home with them or try another time.
When it comes to someone you see being in your life for a while, it’s important to make a good roommate impression. Just know your audience.
Maybe they don’t care too much, and you can just slip your partner in and out. Great! But if you are close with your roommate, it’s a good idea to have your lover kindly and soberly introduce themself before y’all start getting it on the other side of the wall. Maybe bring them over during the first if you want the seal of approval.
If you’ve gotten past the intro phase, then that doesn’t mean you can necessarily have your partner over whenever you please. It is important that you have a conversation with your roommate about how often it is appropriate to have your partner over and if they would like a heads-up.
Sex Etiquette
Now that you’ve gotten through talking to your roommate and bringing your partner home, how do you have sex without annoying your roommate?
1. Don’t be loud.
2. Play white noise, music or TV to muffle any noises.
3. Don’t screw when people are trying to sleep or study nearby.
4. Be considerate of neighbors, so if your roommate isn’t home, then that’s not a free pass to be obnoxiously loud
5. Don’t screw on the kitchen table or the couch.
6. Clean up!
7. Don’t throw everything away in the communal trash can.
8. Don’t let your partner walk out in their underwear.
9. AND DON’T HAVE SEX WHEN YOUR ROOMMATE IS IN THE ROOM!
Best of luck to you and your roommates getting it on!