How to Support One Another in 2019

Having a loving and supporting community of like-minded people is irreplaceable. We are early into 2019, and we need to remind ourselves of the importance of being kind and loving others. Building a community of incredible women is always a good idea. Too often, we get caught up in competing with others in our professional, academic and social lives. We see our peers on social media living “perfect” lives and feel like we need to be better or do better. But this is a toxic mindset. Rather than compete with others, we need to focus on bettering ourselves, so we can love and support others in the long run

We can become better friends, partners and family members by simply focusing on changing our mindsets and perspectives. We should always try our best to uplift each other and help each other grow. Here are a few common mindsets that are so easy to get trapped in:

1. Jealousy

One of the hardest, but most crucial things to do, is to omit jealousy from our relationships. Jealousy occurs when you worry that someone will take what you have, which can oftentimes lead to losing a person in your life. We worry that we aren’t a good enough partner or friend and begin to put all the pressure on others to reassure us that we are good enough. But this mentality isn’t fair to those who are in our lives. We have to find that reassurance within and be able to build our confidence from the inside out. Once you can love and believe in yourself, you can be present for those around you. Be the support you want to have in your life and show your best friend or partner you love them through your actions and words. Spread positivity, and not jealousy.

2. Competition

This habit can occur in subtle ways. We see our friend or partner thriving and feel like we need to be doing the same. However, this mindset can only lead to pain for both sides. We need to support and praise the success of those close to us, rather than constantly one-upping each other. You can’t be as loving towards those close to you if you are constantly taking their success as a threat and trying your best to beat them in any way you can. We need to see the success of other women, friends and partners as something beautiful and to be celebrated. Other’s success is our success, not a threat or a signal that our lives are lackluster. In all honesty, we’ve all felt competitive with those important to us. All that matters is that we need to work on stepping out of this habit and move onto having more positive thoughts, not competition.

3. Self-doubt

Self-doubt is a tricky thing. The mind has the power to affect how we feel about our selves and our abilities, even if it isn’t reality. That constant voice within our heads can be our biggest enemy. What are you holding yourself back from? Who are you pushing away? These are results of our minds convincing us that we aren’t good enough. The secret is that you aregood enough. You always have been. In order to love others, you trulyhave to love yourself; this is a cliché that is incredibly true. If we can begin to love ourselves, then we can be better support systems for those who we love in our lives. Shift your focus away from your shortcomings, and set it on the potential you have. Build up yourself and build up those in your life. At the end of the day, we are all seeking love and confirmation from others.

4. Comparison

Comparison is truly one of the worst habits you can obtain. It’s not uncommon to look around and see what others are doing and compare it to our individual selves. In other words, it’s known as social referencing. Don’t blame yourself if you feel stuck in this pattern; it’s a part of nature. With that being said, that doesn’t mean you can’t break this toxic pattern. When we compare, we look at other’s success and lives and compare it to our own. This leaves us feeling ashamed and unaccomplished, or even like something is wrong with us. Sadly, present day social media only furthers this thought pattern and promotes constantly looking at other’s lives through perfectly staged and edited pictures. It helps to always remember that they’re just pictures and nothing more. We often present our lives or even ourselves as perfect online, but always remember that we are all at different stages in our lives and not everything is as it seems. Be patient and remind yourself that you’re doing amazing.

5. Blame

When we feel inadequate, we usually blame it on ourselves or on factors that are beyond our control. We blame how we look, how we act, and even what we do for leading us to a certain point. We often forget that these aspects of ourselves are the things that make us who we are. Instead of looking down on ourselves, we need to recognize what we can and can’t control. Who we are is beautiful, and we can always work on bettering ourselves and preventing past mistakes from reoccurring. Stop focusing on what you can’t change and start focusing on what you can. You are a beautiful and capable person.

6. Judgment

Passing judgment almost always results in negative consequences. When we judge ourselves, we only hurt our self-confidence. When we judge others, we hurt our relationships. We push away people in our lives that could be valuable friends or parts of our lives. Instead of passing judgement on others, we should focus on how we can uplift or support them and how valuable they are. Judgment creates divisions and exclusive groups. If we remain open, we can build beautiful and diverse communities.

7. Envy

Envy usually coincides with jealousy and occurs when we want something that someone else has. This happens when we want someone else’s lifestyle, clothing or even a job. Don’t waste your life wishing you were someone else; you have so much love and life to give. Start focusing on what you can add to other people’s lives and what they can add to yours. We have the potential to be so strong as a society and as individual communities. With all of our differences, we can bring so many strengths to the table.

Let’s focus on building each other up, creating accepting and loving communities and being there for our loved ones. It’s never too late to try to be a more open and loving version of yourself and recognize when we are stuck in the wrong thought pattern. Let’s make 2019 a year focused on love and growth.