“You become a complete non sexual entity in her eyes, like her brother or a lamp.”
Ryan Reynolds said it best inJust Friends when describing the friend zone. Check out the hilarious clip here.
And really, who wants to be a lamp? The friend zone is an unpleasant situation that no one wants to be in. The term refers to men seen as mere friends to women and most certainly not possible romantic partners. It was popularized by a 1994 episode of Friends when Joey Tribbiani dubbed Ross Gellar “Mayor of the Zone” for not telling Rachel Green how he felt.
However, many women fall victims to the dreaded friend zone too. They want to make a move but don’t want to risk ruining the friendship. Catherine Townsend, a sex columnist for The Independent, says that being in the friend zone is a mix of fear of rejection and the loss of mystery.
If you are stuck in the friend zone you might think that you will always be his friend. But that’s not true. You just need to be aware of where you stand and take a risk. If you are stuck in the friend zone here are tips on how to escape it, or how to avoid it.
Escaping the friend zone
1. Accepting the reality. Be aware that you are in the friend zone. Don’t try and convince him or yourself that you are more than what you actually are. Once you realize that you are just friends, you can try and build your relationship into something more.
2. Improve yourself. Guys like girls who are confident and sure of themselves. Be that girl. Try something new. Do something fun. Don’t just do it for them, but do it for you. Even if it doesn’t work out with this guy, the next one will appreciate your confidence.
3. Hang out with other people. Distance makes the heart grow fonder and meeting someone new will help you forget you liked your friend in the first place. But don’t alienate yourself from all your friends while you are trying to pursue this guy. You will only regret it in the long run if it doesn’t work out.
4. Flirt. Make sure that he knows that you are interested. Guys are clueless sometimes. You can think that you’re obvious, but he may have no idea that you are interested. Sometimes flirting doesn’t come naturally. Make him aware that you are interested. Subtly might work for some guys. But for others, you might just have to make your move.
5. Tell him. This is one of the reasons according to Catherine Townsend that people are in the friend zone for so long: fear of rejection. But if you really want to be with this guy, just tell him. It can be scary to put your heart out there, but if you don’t, it can just tear away at you. If he isn’t interested and it ruins your friendship, then he really wasn’t worth it anyway.
Avoiding the friend zone all together
1. Don’t start talking to a guy who just got out of a relationship. Most guys coming out of a relationship are looking for a hookup. If you want something more than a “friends with benefits” situation, wait until he has had enough time to heal before starting something with him.
2. Don’t be too available. Guys like a challenge and the chase. Don’t accept his invitation to hang out too quickly.
3. Don’t talk about past relationships. If you want to make a guy something more than a friend, don’t remind him that you have had failed relationships before. At least not right away.
4. Keep dates romantic. If it is a new guy and you two are hanging out. Try and put a romantic spin on a date so he knows that you are not his sister.
In a 2001 survey by Match.com, 71 percent responded that they would like to fall in love with a friend. Don’t’ be afraid to tell the person how you feel. Girls can make the first move. It is not the 1950s. It may not end up how you want it, but at least he knows the truth and you can move on.