Growing up as a child of immigrant parents is an experience that comes with its own unique set of challenges.
On one side, there’s the world of my parents – their traditions, values and expectations heavily influenced by the cultural norms of their home country. On the other, there’s my reality as a young adult in the United States, trying to navigate the path of higher education and find my own path.
The college experience has highlighted this cultural divide in ways I never could have anticipated. From the moment I started applying to universities, the conflicting perspectives between my parents and myself became glaringly obvious.
While they saw college primarily as a means to an end – a way to secure a lucrative career and financial stability – I viewed it as an opportunity for self-discovery, intellectual growth and personal exploration.
The campus experience itself was a source of contention. My parents, raised in a more collectivist culture, struggled to understand the American emphasis on independence and self-reliance. They worried about the influence of “American” values on my behavior and choices, fearful that I would lose touch with my cultural roots.
One of the biggest sources of tension between my immigrant parents and myself revolved around the living situation during college. When I received my college acceptance letters, I excitedly expressed my intention to live in the dorms or student housing. However, my parents immediately pushed back hard against this idea. They couldn’t understand the appeal of on-campus living—being surrounded by peers, experiencing a taste of independence and fully immersed in the university experience. To them, those were unimportant luxuries that paled in comparison to maintaining family closeness and obligations.
In their home country, Brazil, it is customary for students to remain living at home with their families even through university. The concept of moving out and living independently on or near campus is largely unheard of. My parents worried that living away from home at such a formative age would lead me to stray from my cultural roots and values. They feared the influences of increased freedom and lack of family supervision. There was a concern that I may adopt overly “American” views on issues they considered sacrosanct.
Despite my explanations about how living on campus was considered a rite of passage and cultural experience for American students, it fell on deaf ears. My parents just could not relate to or validate that perspective based on their own upbringing.
Ultimately, the compromise was for me to live on campus but drive home every weekend. It was an immense struggle at times, having to balance the contrasting environments of family life at home with the independence of being a college student.
But I also knew that for my parents, having me at home on the weekends while attending university was a way to preserve cultural traditions they knew and understood during a period of drastic change.
Navigating issues of dating, relationships and social life was a challenging aspect of this cultural disconnect. My parents’ traditional values dictated strict boundaries when it came to interactions with the opposite sex, while my American peers embraced a more relaxed and open-minded approach to relationships.
As I immersed myself in the college experience, I found myself constantly code-switching between the two worlds I inhabited, trying to reconcile my parents’ expectations with the realities of my life on campus. It was an emotionally draining and isolating experience, feeling torn between honoring my cultural heritage and embracing the opportunities that came with being a college student in America.
However, this cultural clash has also been a profound learning experience, forcing me to think critically about the values and belief systems I’ve inherited and to forge my own path forward.
It has taught me the importance of open communication, empathy and understanding – qualities that have helped bridge the gap between my parents’ perspectives and my own.
While the road hasn’t been easy, I’ve come to appreciate the unique lens through which I view the world, shaped by the intersection of my immigrant upbringing and my American college experience. It has made me more resilient, more adaptable, and more appreciative of the rich tapestry of cultures that make up the fabric of our society.