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CollegeProbz: Let’s Stop People-Pleasing

This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at UFL chapter.

When you think of the word “please,” what does it remind you of? Does it remind you of the time your parents taught you manners and how to ask for things politely?

Perhaps it reminds you of a boyfriend begging to take you back after he cheated on you?

Or, maybe the most common please of all is the surprise, please?

Even though we are all probably very familiar with all three of these occurrences, do we ever associate please with people-pleasing?

The act of people-pleasing occurs on a daily basis, but do we ever question it or pay it any mind?

Not to worry friends because I’m here to tell you that it’s time to take a stand and simply say…

We are all guilty of people-pleasing, and that’s okay. To me, it means that we were all raised with good manners, and, as people, we live to make others happy before ourselves. I understand that no one wants to be labeled as selfish, but does this mean we aren’t supposed to take some time for ourselves? What happened to making ourselves happy? What happened to making sure we were in a mental state of well-being? Well, I don’t know about you, but I’m going to grab life by the horns and take back my time to make myself happy, and I suggest you do the same. How many times have you said yes to going out just to make your friends happy, but you really didn’t want to go?

I’m guilty of it, and I think most of us are. Well, my friends, why do we continue to say yes and make ourselves suffer through the night or an event which we are dreading every single second? Again, I bring back the point of humans constantly trying to be perfect and make everyone else happy besides themselves. Listen, I know this transition can be hard, and people might judge you for saying no, but trust me on this one, you will thank yourself that you did. If you didn’t realize until right now that you are a people-pleaser, that’s perfectly okay. It is normal to forget about your own needs and wants. I’m sure your plate is full just like everyone else’s trying to manage good grades while going to school full-time, working a job 15-20 hours a week and maybe even juggling a relationship with your significant other.

First things first, like the D.A.R.E program classic quote that we all learned in elementary school, “Just say no.” This is the first step in the process of transitioning from a people-pleaser to self-loving superstar! Second, let the feeling of guilt go, there will be plenty of opportunities to go out with your friends. If they are your true friends, they will understand. Lastly, don’t let go of being a “yes man” completely. I love helping out as much as the next guy and giving a hand to people in need if they need it, just be aware of your own thoughts and feelings, so that you don’t lose yourself again. Remember, your happiness is just as or even more important than pleasing someone else.


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