To All the Boys Who Have Ghosted Me Before

Dear Ghosts of Tinder,

As technology constantly advances, so do our opportunities to connect with other individuals online through social media apps.

However, these advances also lead people to care less when it comes time to making genuine, fulfilling connections with others. It causes some to feel a deficit of human connection, making them desperate.

There are others who exist on this desperation and use people for their own selfish reasons.

I’m referring to you, Ghosts of Tinder.

When I made a Tinder account my freshman year, it was primarily made as a joke to see who would actually match with me and vice versa. But not long after that, I began falling into a depression, which was partially fueled by stress relating to my classes.

With this, I felt especially lonely. I never felt what love was like ever before, nor have I ever had anything as passionate and intimate as sex. I was desperate.

It was there that I decided to do something about it, and tried actually meeting people off of the app. I did end up meeting someone who came to my apartment, where we shared an intimate moment. But the next day, I tried talking to him again and he left me on read.

I was ghosted by people like you.

I talked to more and more people on Tinder, thinking the same thing wouldn’t happen.

Guys would sound interested and ask if they could meet up with me. Naïve me thinking that it could potentially be a recurring relationship would meet up with and hook up with them.

The next day I would message them and would either be unmatched, blocked or ignored. This happened even when everything seemed great.

Sometimes the ghosts would say I was the best they ever had, but I guess that was a line they used on everyone.

This happened for months, until I realized I should not be putting myself through a vicious cycle of ghosting. I realized I didn’t need or deserve to be treated this way, and there are actual men out there who would never treat a woman with such disrespect like that—I just haven’t found him yet. 

But my question is this – why do you feel the need to use vulnerable girls like me for your selfish purposes? 

I don’t think you ghosts realize the effects of your actions on the minds you play with.

You might be thinking, this girl is annoyed for no reason. Psychology Today wrote an article on why ghosting hurts so much.

It causes people, like me, to feel rejected and hurt. It decreases our motivation for finding love, but also makes us more desperate. It irregulates our emotions which can really mess us up.

I guess it helps you because then there are more desperate people out there that you can prey on and toy with.

I felt used. I viewed myself as an object for you to mess with.  Can you honestly call yourself a good person after hurting women time and time again?

Well, the joke will be on you. You missed a great opportunity by ghosting me and any other person you have hurt in the past.

Had you taken the time to actually form a relationship with us, maybe you would see that who we really are and form a relationship from it.

I don’t want to have people in my life that think it’s okay to use people as objects, while having blatant disregard for how their actions impact others. It also gives me motivation to improve myself and become a better person, to make ghosts like you regret ghosting me in the first place.

I hope you have fun doing what you do on Tinder. It will come back to haunt you when you are, one day, the lonely one.

Sincerely, 

The Ghosted