Has it always been your dream to attend the best university in the state of Florida? Is your room decked out in orange and blue? Have you been Gator chomping since birth? Well, you might want to think again. Here are a few reasons you shouldn’t attend UF.
1. We probably have the worst school spirit of any university ever.
Here’s a little known fact: Filling up an entire stadium with 90,000 people is actually a sign that no one is interested celebrating anything.
2. Gainesville has the worst customer service and the least interesting restaurants and cafes.
No one enjoys eating out here.
3. UF has absolutely no Greek life.
Because who wants to be in an organization that’s built on empowering women, am I right?
4. None of the students have a philanthropic bone in their body.
Seriously, they’re all so selfish.
5. The student body never has any interesting speakers or guests.
Maya Angelou? James Franco? Who’s even heard of these people?
6. We never invent anything cool to talk about.
You can’t brag about a revolutionary sports drink that’s distributed in over 80 countries and produces $3.3 billion dollars in revenue every year. I mean, get real!
7. There’s nothing interesting about being called a “flagship university.”
So what if College Board defines a flagship university as the most selective, research-intensive and best-known public institution in the state?
8. Having the largest student-run newspaper in the country isn’t that impressive.
What’s an “independent alligator” anyways? Who cares about quality journalism?
9. We absolutely hate our freshmen.
We’d never set up an organization to welcome them to campus. There’s no way freshmen can find a warm, welcoming community at UF.
10. All we do is study and never leave the library.
There is absolutely no lake to act as our mini getaway when the grind becomes too much.11. We have the weirdest architecture.
Seriously, though. What is that? It’s not super interesting or unique at all.
12. We’re probably the worst university in the state.
There’s no way we’d be in the top 20 of U.S. public universities.
13. We have the most boring faculty.
There’s no point in going to class if we’re going to sleep through the lecture where he talks about being kidnapped by Hezbollah.
14. No one who graduates from UF ever makes it anywhere.
With no role models, we’ll just sink the swamp.
15. Our basketball team is among the worst in the nation.
It’s just embarrassing, to be honest.
16. The weather in Gainesville is always awful.
Who wants sunshine, clear skies and swimsuit weather throughout the whole year? Good weather is so overrated.
17. No one would ever run in The Great Underwear Dash to donate clothes to the local homeless shelter.
Smelly, naked bodies everywhere. Just gross.
18. When we’re busy studying during finals, there’s no way to get our midnight munchies fix.
It’s not like you can just order warm, fresh-baked cookies right to your dorm room.
19. Our mascot is hella lame.
It’s not like Albert and Alberta are icons or anything.
20. The fact of the matter is that you’ll never make friends for life here.
Never. 50,000 students isn’t nearly enough to choose from.
It’s obvious that UF isn’t the right school for you or anyone, for that matter. So just go somewhere else and forget you ever read this list.