As a way of introduction, I would like to start off with a story, as I believe this article would be incomplete without it.
I went to an all-girls school in Paarl where, ironically, a lot of emphasis was placed on relationships and particularly relationships with boys. Valentine’s Day in particular garnered polarising reactions. You were either incredibly excited or dreaded it. The week leading up to the 14th of February a form would be put up on the main bulletin board. The girls were given a chance to send a rose to anybody in the neighbouring schools and vice versa. On Valentine’s Day, everyone gathered on the lawn and waited in anticipation as the girls who received gifts were called to the front. Until my matric year, I was never sent a rose.
A lot changed upon my entrance into UCT. In true Summer I Turned Pretty fashion, the holiday leading up to first year was when I grew into myself. My face matured and I finally learned how to master my Type 3 curls. I went into university more confident and self-assured and as a result started attracting more attention. I am now finishing my second year and I can confidently say I’ve learnt a lot about relationships in the past three years.
To: First-year Campus Crush
Even though we never spoke, apart from that one time I helped you with your crossword puzzle, I would like to say thank you for giving me a reason to come to campus every day. It was fun to glance at you from across the plaza and hear your opinions on Kant in philosophy lectures. I always thought you were so incredibly smart, and I think that’s what attracted me to you the most. But we’re in second year now and you changed your hair. We don’t share any classes anymore and the appeal has definitely worn off. I no longer worship you, but the delusion was fun while it lasted.
To: American Boy
When I met you, I didn’t think I was worthy of love and, looking back, maybe that’s why I was so hesitant in the beginning. But your smile was so assuring, and your voice was so gentle. You took me to my first university party and introduced me to your friends who are just as kind as you. Slowly I climbed out of my shell, and I have you to thank. It’s a pity you had to transfer, but I could tell you weren’t happy here. You taught me to believe in myself and speak up when I had something to say.
To: Mr Chill
You were the first serious university relationship I had. You were one year older than me and part of me found that so intimidating, because it just seemed like you had your life in order. You were so spontaneous and unpredictable, and you brought me completely out of my comfort zone. The highs were so high, but the lows were so low. I really liked you, but you made me so sad. I was proud of myself for ending things. It means I picked myself. You still call me now and then and I’m still learning to ignore them, but I’m happy.
The final letter is one I send myself.
To: Me
You’ve changed so much in the last 3 years. Every day you come one step closer to fulfilling your potential. There are some bumps along the way, but you’ve proven yourself time and time again. I’m proud of you for no longer looking for validation in all the wrong places, like men and romantic relationships. You now know that real love comes from within; and that you need to love yourself first before loving others. You now know that you don’t need to find someone who completes you, but rather compliments you.