Is love dead? This is a question that plagues the minds of us all who wish for earnest companionship that will last for at most a lifetime. I feel it is important that firstly, we think about what we mean when we are referring to love. The ideal type of love that we have in our minds is the head over heels type of love where one’s heart becomes all mushy at the sight or thought of the other, palms become sweaty, butterflies start moving around in your stomach, you finish each other sentences, you want to spend every waking minute of every day in one another’s presence, each moment you spend with each other is rainbows and roses. These are some of the thoughts that arise when we think about love.
But who can blame us for thinking like that though, because the media portrays love in that sense for us and that has been internalised in society? The celebrity couples that we see, typically show us love in that sense. I mean who would have thought that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie would break up in our lifetime. The sad part is that when these celebrity relationships fail what we are left with is the question of whether love truly exists or not.
What I want to say is love does still exist, it has always existed and it will exist in the future. However, I feel that society has evolved and relationships are but a small part of what forms part of our lives and honestly, they require more work and time than we might want to give up and that work is more of the mental and emotional work.
The reasoning behind ‘love is dead’ is underpinned by reasons that are characterised by the kind of society we leave in today and I will attempt to put those across:
1. Love is but a fraction of the effort required to make a relationship work
The presence of love in a relationship does not mean the absence of other inadequacies. Couples that have been together for a long time will tell you that relationships are not all roses and rainbows but they are a full-time job. When you get into a relationship personality inadequacies come up such as dishonesty, unfaithfulness etc. and these are things that some people cannot put up with. Some people have the heart to forgive multiple times, some do not. It depends on the type of personality one has.
2. Consciously or unconsciously bringing excess baggage into a relationship
Whether we are aware of it or not we tend to judge our present relationships or partners according to what we have experienced in past relationships. These may include baggage from family, baggage from failed relationships and low self-esteem issues that come from past experience. It is a good idea to gain insights into any hurtful patterns that you or your partner have experienced in the past and have brought into the relationship. It is important at the beginning of the relationship and continuously throughout the relationship to discuss the norms that have formed part of your early life and make the necessary adjustment that will allow the current relationship a working chance.
3. Ambitions taking priority over investing in love
Sometimes it is not about whether we feel or do not feel love but it is about whether being in a relationship will force us to settle because now we are an ambitious, focused, career-driven and –led generation. It is normal to have people say they love each other and they cherish each other while they are not in a relationship because they had different goals and priorities in life. This does not mean that love is dead but it shows that our priorities when it comes to love and relationships are changing.
These are not the only reasons that are masked behind the ‘love is dead’ debate but I feel these are the most important for. So, for all you love seekers out there, love is not dead. Just stay hopeful and hopefully the one who will be worth it all will come your way one day soon and you both will be willing to put in the work.