When you’re someone who voices almost anything that comes to mind and are accused of being too honest at times, there is always the guarantee that you’ll encounter the cold shoulder from your friend or family member who is on the receiving end of your harsh words. Naturally and after some time, after trials and errors, you’ve realised the importance of “drawing yourself towards yourself” and simply taking the big step to apologise. Nobody likes apologising, especially when they’re not in the wrong, but sometimes it’s way better to take the bull by the horns and make amends.
But what happens when the tables are turned and you’re NOT the one having to deliver the apology?
I remember those weird, immature days when I’d come home from primary school only to violently open my desk drawer, haul out my diary (which had glitter embellishments and a collage of High School Musical characters’ faces on the cover) and write furiously about the most inconsiderate encounter I had with my so-called best gal pal on that day. It went something like:
“Can you imagine?!”
“SHE was talking about ME behind MY back!”
“I demand an apology! How could she?!”
“That *beep noise*!”
We can all relate to an incident like this. The nature of the confrontations we have these days is probably not as childish as that example, but the bottom line is: We all expect an apology after being mistreated in one way or another.
Recently, I made a conscious decision to stop expecting.
There’s an immeasurable amount of freedom and strange relief that accompanies the decision to have no expectations – especially when it comes to receiving an apology. There are three things that you need to learn and remember when awaiting that apology which, might I add, you’ll probably never receive.
- You are choosing to dwell on the situation
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The decision to think constantly about how a person may have disappointed you and has not attempted to apologise for it is a lot more burdensome than the decision to simply toss it out of your mind for good. So much of your good energy is being wasted on that anticipated apology when it could be directed at doing something productive and exhilarating. Why cry over spilt milk? If anything, you are not the one who is in the wrong. But, avoid playing the blame game too…
- That’s not to say that you should dismiss how you feel.
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There’s absolutely nothing wrong with admitting to yourself that you feel hurt and angry. The realisation that the people we care about the most are capable of hurting us the most too is terrifying, but necessary. Never think that the person who ‘owes’ you the apology was exempt from hurting you in the first place just because they were close to you. We’re all human. The best way to “get over” anything is to reflect on it and feel our feelings for what they are. In that way, your entire mental and physical state undergoes a cleansing and you can release those resentful and vengeful thoughts from your conscience once and for all. However, #1 still applies! Set yourself a time limit when going through this period. Don’t dwell!
- Ignorance is bliss!
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Yes, some people are blissfully unaware of their actions and what effects they may have had on you. And the most annoying thing upon finding out that they “didn’t realise that’s how you felt” is knowing that you had spent so much time waiting, praying, hoping that they were going to say sorry when it did not even cross their mind to do so. Realise that most people do not know when they have messed up! There is some relief in this because it suggests that they did not act with the intention to create a problem or to hurt you. Lo and behold, they do not see the reason as to why they should deliver an apology. This will make the waiting game a lot less appealing to you.
Lastly, let’s address the wonderful law of karma. If you simply cannot let go of that apology you are anxiously waiting to receive, at least you’ll find some comfort in the existence of ‘what goes around, comes around’. The best you can do is focus on yourself for yourself and trust that whoever did you dirty will face the consequences naturally – and without you having to lend a hand! Strength is walking away from a situation with a lesson learned, your head held high and the acceptance of a non-existent apology.
There’s always an alternative, though – blue tick them. Mentally. Physically. Emotionally.