Many of my friends, including myself, have spent many nights after a break-up feeling completely lost and unsure of what to do. It has taken many of my friend’s months to get back to ‘themselves’. These steps might help you find some light a little faster.
1. A failed relationship does not mean you have failed at love. You need to look at this break-up as a lesson and a chance to grow. You will understand things that you previously did not understand because of the relationship. The end of a relationship doesn’t mean the end of you, guurl.
2. I think the first step to getting over a failed relationship is realizing you deserve better or something different. Everything happens for a reason and you need to recognize that the break up happened because either you or your partner (or both) needed more.
3. Learn the ABC’s of loving yourself. You need to love yourself first and try to find your light again. However, we all have our lonely days. Remember that you have your friends and family in this time- reach out to them.
4. Get up. Going outside to sit in the garden and read, going for a walk, going out for a drink with friends or even just spending time with your family. Getting out of your comfort zone allows you to focus your mind on other things.
5. Time heals all wounds. Time will keep going and soon you will see that weeks and months have passed. We need the time to realize that we can live through the pain and come out the other side better and stronger than before.
6. Click delete. Delete your chats, your text messages and maybe even your emails. If you are anything like me or my friends, I can recommend this. I have had people ask me ‘Why did you delete his number? Why so childish?’, to which I reply: “It’s not about him, it’s about me taking control of my life. If he doesn’t want me in his life, then his number is of no use to me”.
7. Drunk You. This can be applied for people that don’t drink too. Drunk You is an idea – it is you at your most vulnerable. You do not want to be ‘drunk’ texting him at 3am, crying about what happened. You don’t want to be stalking him at 2am- watching all his Instagram stories and finding his location on Snapchat. Keep ‘drunk you’ in control. If you feel any urges, phone a friend and talk it out. Trust me, it helps.
8. Go Cold-turkey. Lay off social media for a while, maybe delete Instagram, Snapchat and Facebook on your phone. This allows you time to get your head clear without people who you haven’t seen since high school asking you about your breakup.
9. Do something you have always wanted to do. Between the sad movies and the consumption of fast food and vodka, I suggest you look for something you always said that you wanted to do. It can be something you wanted before you met him/her or something you guys decided to do together. Go out and do it. Not only will it stop you from laying around, but it will help you remember who you were before the breakup. It might also give you courage to realize you are just as strong without them.
10. Alone does not mean lonely. After being in a relationship for so long we tend to forget what being alone is really like. At first, it might feel as if you have been punched in the gut, but you will get through it. The more time you spend by yourself, the more you will realize that you are the best company you have.
I hope these steps help you to find the path to recovery. Happy Healing!