On Monday, March 28th, I walked into Cowell 239 for the first day of classes of my last quarter.
I wasn’t expecting to get emotional on that last-first day. As a fourth-year, I’ve had many first days of the quarter under my belt. Nothing was different about this one, except that in three months, I will be graduating. And, boy, did that hit me like a truck on Monday. Knowing that I am graduating in June and the reality of graduating in June are two very different things.
I registered for graduation last week, which I had been putting off because of, ya know, anxiety. And for being a Very Important task that all potential grads have to do, it was like two buttons. Which was anticlimactic given everything. And once I had registered to graduate, I just sat on my bed, thinking “oh wow, it’s real now.”
Why is it that college graduation feels paralyzing? Because I don’t know about y’all, but high school graduation was a breeze in comparison. Maybe that’s because we all knew the next step. For most, it was community college or straight to four-year, which was exciting and terrifying. But graduating college means leaving the security of lingering childhood. We are all adults, many paying taxes and having jobs, but we exist in this weird college limbo. Once we graduate, what’s the next step? No one teaches you how to get a job or live on your own, and both of those things are more terrifying than moving away for college.
I think part of the reason that the gravity of graduating hit me really hard is because of my class in Cowell 239. Cowell 239, or the Classics Dept Library, has been the setting for so much of my college experience. And not only am I in that room, but I’m taking the class with a professor I had freshman year and haven’t seen since, and with friends and peers that I started my education with. Now we are all in this tiny library, trying to translate Latin poetry, and stressing about the comprehension exam at the end of the year. Because graduating college isn’t hard enough, your major department also makes you take a comprehension exam, or write a 20 page research capstone, or… whatever STEM majors due senior year to finish their major. So now you’re not only stressing about this majorly important time in your life coming to a close and worrying about how you will continue after graduation, but now I also have a 5 hour long exam in which I have to write two essays and give an oral presentation. Hurray.
But, in all seriousness, before this quarter started, I was so excited to graduate. To not have classes and homework anymore, to work in my dream field, to have my own space. But now it’s week 2, and the thought of not having classes and homework anymore makes me want to drag my heels and hold onto college for a little longer.
It’s surreal to think that in 10ish short weeks, University of California, Santa Cruz Class of 2022 will be saying goodbye. I urge you, Class of 2022, to soak in the Santa Cruz sun in these last few weeks and relish in the fact that things got back to mostly normal in time for us to walk across the stage (during your 15 allotted minutes). And remember, that even if your time at UCSC is ending, this isn’t the end.