We all get sad sometimes. We all have large companies stealing our personal data. We all receive personalized ads based on that data. We all choose to purchase said items advertised to us that claim to quell our sorrows. “We” is me and I’m here to say that sometimes it’s actually helpful!
During the quarter slumps, and sometimes outside of those as well, I tend to get squirmy with myself, often launching into health-kicks, attempting new hobbies, or finding a random responsibility with which to overload my schedule. It’s an immediately gratifying mental kind of peace that often just ends in more burnout. During these monthly anxiety-induced frenzies to find tangible steps for self-improvement and esteem building, I often waste my time and money attempting to calm my nerves a bit through habit building that I can’t actually keep up with.
Surprisingly, some of these kicks do pay off. One of my recent journeys down the self-care rabbit hole led me to a list of self-help books that are “supposed to actually work,” or so the article insisted. Luckily for me, coming across Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz might have lived up to the claim. I popped it in my Amazon cart and went on with my day.
In the spirit of transparency, I still haven’t finished the whole book. It’s long, taxing, and I’m a college student pursuing a degree in Literature. Any superfluous reading normally comes in the form of Twitter posts that have been screenshotted and put on Instagram (am I the only one that still can’t figure out how to work Twitter?).
With that being said, I’m about 150 pages in and, so far, my feelings reflect the positive reviews. Maltz focuses on breaking down how our brains form our self-image which correlates to many of our decisions, actions, and thought processes. Reframing this self-image shifts the power and utilizes success mechanisms and triggers to actually achieve one’s goals.
I know it sounds cult-y. Stick with me.
Because of the emphasis upon reflection, this book focuses on the need for hands-on steps to making a mental change in the reader’s attitude. The tangible aspect of this process spoke to me when deciding to read this and I can unequivocally say that it does make a difference.
The most helpful thing that I’ve learned so far pertains to negative self-talk, with which I was more acquainted than I’d even realized. Maltz insists upon a process for rewiring our negative thinking patterns that goes like this:
Step 1: Notice you are having a negative self-thought.
Step 2: Say “cancel” out loud.
Step 3: Reframe the thought.
Now, I mentioned before how I am a college student which means that I’m constantly surrounded by people. It’s not realistic for me to yell “cancel” every time I criticize myself, mostly because no one around me would ever get anything done. This is the goal, though, because it triggers some sort of scientific feedback loop (again, I’m a Literature major) and makes a more drastic impact on our ability to reframe the thought.
I might not say “cancel” every time or easily come up with a way to replace my cynicism with appraisal, but one thing that this method has shown me is how often this negative self-talk arises in my head. I’m used to being hard on myself academically, not completely satisfied with my looks, etc. but consciously acknowledging every thought is another level. The sheer volume of criticisms I passively tell myself is shocking.
The phrase “we are our own harshest critic” makes a little bit of sense to me. There is some value in my constant need to push myself; it’s led to every single one of my accomplishments thus far. However, I’ve come to realize that I’m not only my harshest critic, but I’m also my harshest bully.
Reading this book forced me to take my negativity out of my subconscious and push it to the forefront of my brain. Once there, I could tear the thought apart and look at the root of the insecurity. Since compelling myself to become aware of the useless negativity rampant in my brain, it has decreased drastically. At least on a level that I can identify.
Looking inward is an arduous process, so having tools to alleviate some of the discomfort should be welcomed. You don’t need to go buy this specific book, but maybe give the method a try. Just like how none of us know why mindless online shopping releases such a large (albeit momentary) waterfall of serotonin, we don’t know what’s going on in our heads until we actually start paying attention.
And who knows? Maybe your next random purchase will actually change your life instead of ending up at the bottom of a drawer somewhere.