Changing the Planetary Order

Here on Earth, we watch the planets go round the Sun, same as we do. While there is an order to their positions I have decided to switch it up. So here is my ranking our the planets from my least to absolute favorite:


So, while Mars is not to be blamed for the actions of Elon Musk, I still had to put it last. Elon Musk has set his sights on Mars as our next homeland however I hate Elon Musk and am taking it out on Mars. Besides the man with no qualifications haunting the space scene, everyone wants to be on Mars and quite frankly I do not want to join the party. I am scared that we will do to Mars what we have done to Earth.

Sometimes I think about the Curiosity rover sitting on Mars every year on August 5, its birthday, humming Happy Birthday to itself and I get extremely sad. That is not allowed, so that demoted Mars even more. It’s also kind of boring to look at. But enough about the negative. It’s close to Earth, so it’s as convenient as a planet can be. Might be good for potato growth, with help, which was shown in the book The Martian by Andy Weir. And so, I rest my case.



Now onto Mercury. Why is it so small? I could look up this question, but I will not. Yes it's close to the sun, but does it really need to go that fast? It's mainly second to last because I don’t know too much about it, so I can't informatively rate it. A positive is that the UV pictures I've seen of it are so lovely. Fun fact: if you stood on Mercury’s surface the Sun would look 2.5x larger than on Earth.



Jupiter is very pretty and it's giant, both of which give points to it. It’s a gas planet, so I don’t understand how it's being held together. You could say gravity, but what’s creating that gravitational field? It's yet another thing I could look up but really don’t want to. I'm highly overwhelmed by Jupiter because there is just so much I can't comprehend about it, or at least enough that I don’t want to. The giant storms really put a damper on everything as well.



It's our home, so I couldn’t exactly make it last, but it’s why I put it so low. I didn’t ask for existence and thanks to the perfect living conditions that Earth has provided that allowed those creatures to walk out of the ocean, here I am against my will. Also, why does everything keep evolving into crabs. Like we don’t need more types of crabs on this sad Earth, yet here we are in a crabby existence. 

A positive though it’s the only planet that has cats on it, and what other planets can currently say that? Also, there is so much good food on Earth, which is enough to make up for this existence. Despite SoCal’s lack of real seasonal change, seasons do occur here in ways that we can experience, and I quite enjoy those seasons.



Moving onto Neptune, I think Ice Giants are so cool both literally and figuratively. I was debating how to order Uranus and Neptune, but Neptune is not as interesting as Uranus. I love Neptune because its moons fit the theme of the planetary name. Neptune in Roman mythology is the god of the sea and all the moons are named after minor sea nymphs and gods. I love a good themed party and this is the best there is. It has rings not as impressive as Saturn, but they are still there and are interesting.



Uranus is one wacky planet, but that’s why it's just outside the podium. This planet rotates on its side and if it was oriented like most other planets it would be rotating east to west as well. It’s also an ice giant, which is so fun. It has handsome rings that maximize its beauty. Sadly outside of these few facts I don’t know much about it, so I could not rank it any higher than this.



There is something about the poetic nature of Venus that has given it in my mind the bronze medal. Maybe it's how those retro NASA posters depict a Cloud City-esque settlement living on Venus that just makes me want to go, but our current state of technology wont hold up against the acid rain and heat we will have to accommodate. We’ve tried to land multiple rovers on the surface, but the most we’ve gotten from those missions is a few pictures since those rovers succumbed to both the heat and pressure quite quickly after landing. So, we’ll have to land something on the surface for a longer time before we could even think about living in the clouds. Venus also has been found to have a possibility of life housed in its clouds. I don't know much about it but that possibility is so interesting considering the very extreme conditions that exist on Venus.



In 2006, the International Astronomy Union made the decision to do a complete overhaul of the definitions of what makes a planet. There was no reason to do it and for approximately 76 years it was a planet that nobody argued against. So, for its troubles I gave it the silver medal. It’s a fun sort of small, which I know I held against Mercury, but Pluto is farther out in the solar system so in a way it makes sense to me. Its orbit is a little more extreme compared to other planets and that takes it closer to the Sun than Neptune. I personally feel it also has some poetic capabilities that have yet to be fully utilized, though that may just be the lack of poetry I fully read.



Saturn, the jewel of our solar system, is the winner for this list. This is the only planet whose rings are fully embraced, and everytime I come across a picture of it I am in awe of its glory. With its abundance of moon rotating around it you could wax poetic of its majestic splendor. There are moons nestled within its rings that were discovered by the Cassini Mission that spent 20 years studying this jewel. With each picture revealing new information we didn't know before. The planet has so many mysteries, the feeling that Saturn evokes for me can only be one of awe and wonder. There is too much to say that can’t fit in this article all I can say is that the feeling of Saturn is unlike anything else.