Recently, my roommate and I have been going to the gym more often and when it comes to dietary choices I’m perplexed. On one hand, I want to eat healthy and make “gains” but, on the other, I don’t want to neglect myself.
I think it’s great that in the past few years there has been a conversation against diet culture, but it just makes things more confusing for me. I’m aware that certain diets teeter on potentially developing an eating disorder and being malnourishing, but if I don’t know where to look, how is exercising going to be effective?
I remember learning in health class that our bodies don’t need to consume sugar to survive, except that’s a myth—but it’s not? It’s almost as if the more research you do, the further you dive into a paradox of yes and no.
Growing up, I was always underweight and had the smallest appetite. I’ve never had a healthy relationship with food. Everyone has different opinions and people even mention that nutritionists have made them develop eating disorders. If professionals can’t even help me, what am I supposed to do? People will say, “oh, you just need to find the right one!” But what nutritionist is going to say, “okay, here’s an eating disorder. Have a good one!”? It’s not that easy.
There’s also intuitive eating, but eating is not intuitive to me! It never has been. I never know if I’m just bored eating or actually hungry. Am I depriving myself of nutrients or am I avoiding being unhealthy? Am I eating too much or am I finally eating enough for my height and weight?
It’s great that people are addressing diet culture and maybe it’s because it’s a newer topic of conversation but there’s still a part of me that cares about what I eat, or how I exercise, and how that will affect how I look.
I’m not sure if it’s that part of me that wants to turn to a diet to effectively gain muscle but there’s another part of me that feels guilty for buying into diet culture. Sometimes I just wish there was a right answer. Maybe there is a right answer, or there isn’t, I wouldn’t know.
I also wish that this article had a positive ending where I could say, “here you go, besties! A healthy diet that won’t result in an eating disorder!” But alas, I can’t.
I can, however, say that I have hope. The first step was addressing diet culture. The next is what we’re going to do now that we have banished those diets from society. There has gotta be better information out there and effective ways to communicate it. What’s next?