Every November, my entire family gathers at my house to celebrate Thanksgiving dinner. With all of us spread out across California, Thanksgiving is one of the few chances we all have to get together. Like many families, a turkey dinner is a yearly tradition, allowing us to catch up with one another and become up-to-date on each other’s lives.
I completely understand the desire to catch up with one another. Absence makes the heart grow fonder! But as a 19-year-old sophomore in college, I’m constantly bombarded with question after question about my life nowadays. To me, Thanksgiving is equivalent to being interrogated. What do you want to do when you graduate? No clue. How are your grades? Not great. And of course, no Thanksgiving would be complete without: Why don’t you have a boyfriend? I wish I knew.
Whenever family gathers together, awkwardness is bound to ensue. And as a seasoned veteran in avoiding those touchy subjects, here’s a guide to navigating those uncomfortable holiday dinners.
1. Redirect The Attack
I find that the most effective way to get out of uncomfortable conversations is to redirect the subject, whether it be the topic at hand or the person it is directed at.
In order to change the subject, you must be well-versed in the person you’re talking to. Have at least two conversation topics you can spring upon them at any moment, preferably topics you know they won’t shut up about. They will become so consumed in the new subject, they’ll forget why they started talking to you in the first place.
The second way requires a little more effort and is a bit more devious. Identify another target, someone else susceptible to interrogation from family members. Personally, I use my 16-year old brother. I have thrown my brother under the bus multiple times, inserting him into the conversation and forcing him to partake. And while he’s being questioned about college applications and school extracurriculars, I can make my escape. Sorry.
2. Stretch The Truth
I’m not encouraging you to lie… except that’s exactly what I’m doing. Some may say lying is morally wrong and deceptive and blah blah blah, but I personally believe that lying (or, to frame it more nicely, “stretching the truth”) is your best line of defense.
Make sure your prepared answers are based in truth, but not 100% honest. Depending on what you’re being asked, the truth may make things even worse. You must take into account who you’re talking to. If asked about how you spend your weekends, your uncle might appreciate tales of wild Isla Vista parties and daygers. So cater to that by exaggerating everything, embellishing plot points to make your uncle miss his college days.
However, your grandfather may not be as receptive to partying 24/7. So perhaps emphasize different parts of your weekend. You get breakfast with your friends (leave out that your breakfast is midnight at I.V. Deli). You hang out in your friend’s backyard (leave out that your “friend” is actually a guy who lives in a Del Playa oceanside party house). You study (leave out that you don’t study). It’s all about the image you present.
3. Default To Humor
Let’s consider the example mentioned earlier: “Why don’t you have a boyfriend?”
Now, you can respond to this in one of two ways. The first would be to awkwardly laugh, scramble for an answer and fight back tears. While this is often the default response, it’s definitely not the most effective. You just turned an already awkward question into an incredibly uncomfortable situation.
The other option is to become a stand-up comedian.
“Why don’t you have a boyfriend?”
“Grandma, have you MET the men at UCSB?”
A humorous response is funny, witty and bound to get a few laughs (even if some are from pity). Not only that, but it gives you a leg-up and allows you to take charge of the conversation. Laughter is the best medicine and the best protection!
4. Constantly Be Busy
If all else fails, avoidance may be your best route. Dust off those cooking skills and become a chef, holed up in the kitchen the entire day with no one to talk to except the turkey. Maybe become so invested in the Thanksgiving football game that you’re incapable of talking to anyone! Or you can spend all your time with the baby of the family, because babies won’t ask you how your grades have been.
Chances are, your intense focus on other things will become a new topic of conversation. The family will compliment your cooking or your impressive passion for sports. Your aunt may crack a joke about you babysitting your baby cousin for free. By keeping yourself occupied, you will occupy people’s minds with other things. Touchdown!
5. Practice Patience
As annoying and invasive as those Thanksgiving interviews can be, just remember that it usually comes out of love. Your family members miss you and genuinely care about what’s going on in your life, even if it comes off as a targeted attack.
Put yourself in their shoes: as a college student, your life is incredibly enviable. With your youth, freedom, access to resources, who wouldn’t be curious about how your life has been? So take that into consideration and just be patient.
So this holiday season, as the gravy and questions begin pouring in, remember your preparation for the upcoming attacks. And be thankful for those odd conversations you are bound to have, as invasive as they may be. Because I can assure you that your family members will be thankful to hear your answers.
No matter what the remaining dinners, gatherings, and interrogations of the holiday season bring, I hope these tips help you navigate any awkwardness with grace!