In honor of a whole decade passing since the release of this beloved film, enjoy this fugly little list of ten lessons for girls to take away from Mean Girls.
1.Try to be culturally open-minded. Some people from Africa are white.
2.Sexual education is important. For example, if you have sex, you will not necessarily “get pregnant and die”, but both of these are possible without taking the proper precautions.
3.Anything can be turned into a costume with a good set of animal ears.
4.Your first cousin is actually related to you very closely, and it is probably wise to avoid any sexual interactions with him or her. So yes, Seth is a great kisser, but locking lips with a relative could at the very least lead to family drama.
5.Every person has a unique skill. Whether this is rapping at a talent show like Kevin G. or sensing the weather with your breasts like Karen, own it and appreciate it. If you have yet to stumble upon your talent, be patient. Or grab your boobs and see what intuitions arise.
6.Acts of kindness should not be manipulated into acts of malice. Brutus was just as cute as Caesar, and everyone deserves a Candy Cane Gram. Except Glenn Coco, who clearly deserves four.
7.Do not trust information you do not understand. Just think of how misleading that Swedish writing was on the back of Regina’s Kalteen bars.
8. If you have to dumb yourself down for a guy to like you, he is not worth it. First of all, Aaron Samuels is probably not solely attracted to your false inability to learn calculus, but if he is, let him find a girl who is actually dumb, freeing yourself to pursue someone of your same intelligence level.
9.Do not limit yourself to one stereotypical clique–you can be whatever you want to be. Gretchen started off a Plastic and ended up a Cool Asian. You could be a Cool and Smart Asian on the water polo team who also happens to be a Sexually-Active Band Geek. March on.
10.And finally, it would be foolish of me to attempt a rewording of Cady Heron’s eloquent realization at the final Mathletes’ Competition: “Calling somebody else fat won’t make you any skinnier. Calling someone stupid doesn’t make you any smarter. All you can do in life is try to solve the problem in front of you.”