Dating in general is hard. Dating in college is ten times harder. And why is that? Why is it so difficult to find that right person in college? As a third year in a four year college, I’ll try to break it down for you.
Schools change, but people don’t.
Being a girl in college, I expected boys in college to be different – more mature, chivalrous, and kind. I was expecting knights in shining armor compared to the childish boys I encountered in high school. But I’ve seen plenty of peers getting their hearts broken by boys here. Because no matter what, our hearts are the same. They will develop crushes and ultimately develop feelings. People will obviously change in college, but the feelings they will gain for others won’t. Being more career-driven and focused on you is essential, but that won’t stop you from gaining feelings for your guy friend. Attraction is natural, and there is nothing that can be done to stop it.
Dating as Millenials is hard, but dating as Millenials in the digital age is harder.
There is an extreme stigma on meeting someone online. “Oh, you met your boyfriend on Tinder? Interesting…” What people in college need to understand is that online dating is just a different sort of means to meet new people outside your original social circle. People are taking advantage of our addiction to messaging and our screens. We use our phones for everything. To find out directions, find out where to eat, figure out online where our classes are. So why not use a phone to find new people to potentially date? People say online dating is shallow; you only meet them if you like their picture and think they’re good looking in your eyes. But that is how we initially start dating people in real life. You’re attracted to someone and then you gain interest in them. In terms of online dating, that process is just done digitally.
It’s important to figure yourself out before you start dating someone.
College is four years of extreme growth. It’s four years of figuring out what you want to do, figuring out what is important to you, and figuring out who you are as a person. Dating and getting into a relationship is basically signing up to commit not only to yourself but also to your significant other. It takes time, emotion, and responsibility. Learn to care for yourself before you try to care intensely for another person. I’ve had so many friends who give up their internship or an incredible opportunity for their significant other. It’s important to know that in the end, when no one else is there for you, your education, hard work, and yourself will be the only ones there. It is essential to cultivate and grow as a person and see what you are passionate about. Then cater that passion to someone if you have yourself figured out.
You don’t have to accept the hookup culture, but don’t hate on others who participate in it.
The hookup culture is prevalent in every college. College students’ opinions on hookups range in a wide spectrum. You could be on one end, where you completely love the concept of receiving flowers and being taken out on dates like the movies or dinner. Or you could be on the other end, where you’re ok with casually hooking up or setting up a “friend with benefits” agreement. No matter what end you’re on, it is completely your choice with where you want to go with dating. People are quick to judge, someone may seem to prude or someone may seem to easy, but what a girl or guy does is completely up to them. There is no right or wrong when it comes to hooking up in college; the best thing to do is to figure out what you like and to never judge others for their choices.
Dating in college is hard, but it’s possible. The important thing is to never be pressured. We all have our own timelines, our own challenges and goals. So let others take their own time and figure out what they want to do, but never compare yourself to others. Whether you’re dating a him or a her or yourself right now, it’s important to know that we are young, and have a whole life ahead of us. If you don’t have it figured it out now, you will. Definitely.