As the countdown to the New Year begins, now is the perfect time to figure out how to achieve your version of “new year, new me.” Now we’ve all heard the classics: start going to the gym, read one book a month, and maybe stop dropping hundreds of dollars a week on unnecessary purchases. But, believe it or not, my resolution wasn’t born out of a carefully crafted list; it happened when I least expected it!
Let me spill the tea: before college, I was a hot mess (not to say that I’ve gotten my life together now). I was practically a walking billboard for the socially inept. Making a phone call felt like preparing for a high-stakes negotiation, going anywhere alone was a quest of epic proportions, and scheduling appointments was a mental workout that rivaled a chess match. Hey, I couldn’t even order for myself at restaurants! So, what changed?
My Experience
If you had told me in January 2023 where I’d be now, I would have 100% not believed you. When I was applying to colleges, I did not plan on applying to anywhere outside of a 50-mile radius of my hometown. I was comfortable where I was, why would I want to leave? I couldn’t imagine a life without my friends or family there. Don’t even get me started on the thought of having to fly home by myself… no thank you, I’ll pass!
As I was submitting my applications, I focused on colleges that remained a quick drive from home. The prospect of being six hours away in a place where I didn’t know a single person induced a deep fear inside of me. The struggle was real, and it almost prevented me from applying to my dream school.
Ever since I was a little girl I had dreams of attending a school near the beach. When my mom suggested I apply to UCSB, the literal definition of a beach school, I considered it but reluctantly passed. I couldn’t fathom being 425 miles away from home, a lone wanderer in uncharted territory. Besides, my heart was stubbornly fixated on UC Davis, and so I brushed off the coastal allure. UC Davis was close enough to home that I could commute and wouldn’t have to worry about living on my own or taking care of myself. Staying at home, I knew I would remain in my comfort zone and I had plenty of people around me to depend on, so I didn’t have to worry about growing up just yet.
However, after some very thorough consideration, I decided to submit my application to UCSB, convinced it was a long shot. I mean, it couldn’t hurt, right? I insisted that it was my last choice and that I probably wouldn’t even get accepted to a school with a 28% acceptance rate anyway.
Well, boy was I wrong. As the rejections and waitlists came in I felt defeated. With my heart so set on UC Davis, I didn’t think I belonged anywhere else. Until that is, the acceptance letter from UCSB arrived. Suddenly, my college fate had taken an unexpected turn.
After getting accepted to UCSB, I knew without a doubt that this was the school for me. I was so incredibly excited for the school year to start, counting down the days until move-in day. But as the days grew closer, the once-exciting prospect of independence now felt like a daunting expedition into the unknown. Was I really ready to do everything on my own? Ah, it feels like only yesterday I was crying in my parents’ hotel room begging them to take me back home.
As soon as they left, it seemed as though a different side of me emerged. It took every ounce of courage in my body to make the trek down to the dining hall alone. However, that first step unleashed a cascade of independence. Before I knew it, I was running errands alone, going out to eat alone, and even going to appointments alone!
With fall quarter coming to a close, I look back at the whirlwind of the past few months. College pushed me out of my comfort zone in ways I never thought possible. I’ve tried new things, met incredible people, and unleashed a version of myself I didn’t even know existed! So, how can you kickstart your own journey to independence?
Tips To Help You
- Set Goals
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Gaining independence doesn’t happen overnight, it’s a long process that even I’m still in the middle of. In my experience, it’s important to set both long and short-term goals to help you get to where you want to be! After figuring out your goals, create a list of steps that will help you achieve them. Having a clear roadmap will work as motivation to achieving your resolution of independence!
- Don’t Be Afraid To Step Outside Your Comfort Zone
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The key to achieving independence is to challenge your comfort zone. To grow as a person, it’s essential to take risks and embrace the discomfort you may feel doing things alone. Being able to healthily push your boundaries is the perfect way to find independence — that’s what worked for me! Just make sure you aren’t pushing yourself too hard!
- Accept Change
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Believe me when I say I know what it’s like to despise change. Yet, as unfortunate as it is, change is inevitable. It’s a natural process that you have to learn to embrace one way or another! Being independent requires you to be able to adapt to new circumstances, as unfamiliar as they may be.
The quest to find independence looks different for everyone. However, while the journey may be challenging at first, the reward will be so worth it! As cliche as it sounds, I feel as though my newfound independence has sent me on a journey of self-discovery and taught me so many new things about myself I wouldn’t have learned otherwise!