Let’s be real, guys. People all over the world want to come to UC Santa Barbara and there are a number of uniquely Santa Barbara-ian quirks which confound beyond reason. Seriously, this campus is some kind of alternate reality where skateboarders have an entire lane dedicated to them and some people don’t seem to know the difference between Austria and Australia. Whether you grew up overseas, have foreign parents or are studying abroad here for a semester, there are some beautiful and baffling aspects which we will never acclimate to.
Firstly, America has some kind of strange fetish with wanting to be isolated from the rest of the world — not in politics alone, but in every possible manner. Ranging from useless one penny coins and fahrenheit measurements to the Merriam-Webster dictionary confusing every other native English speaker with your ‘Z’s and lack of ‘OU’. Is this a Darwinian ploy to distinguish the strongest from the weak? Is this some kind of game to you, America?!
And then when we whip out our own culturally unique things, we become the subject of conversation; “You put mayonnaise with your ketchup? That is so, oh, European!!!” We aren’t even aware our little habits are different from yours until this happens.
We have compiled a 100% true, real-life questions Americans have asked international students at UCSB in the past couple weeks, our favorite being “Are you from Britain or London?” or, “If you’re not American, how do you speak English so well?” How do YOU speak English so well?!
And, oh yes: “Oh you’re from Sweden? How cool are Oreos though, they are by far my favorite snack food.”
Let alone USA, simply Isla Vista itself presents many a cultural misunderstanding. People can just walk right out in front of cars? In the middle of the street? WHY DON’T YOU RUN US OVER, CARS? Stop signs don’t even apply to bicyclists? Is this real life, or is this just fantasy … ? Road rules are confounding and, as a native left-side-of-the-road user, I look at least four times each direction before finally deciding that I could have probably crossed the road safely some minutes ago.
Don’t even get us started on the party scene here. Where else in the world can you just walk into someone else’s house unannounced and join their (flippin awesome) party?! The rules of Gaucho Ball and Beer Die will never be clear to us but we will surely join in with vigor and much raucous, unintelligible yelling to make up for our utter lack of skill. To be honest, we are probably way too excited to be drinking from red cups, famous from every stupid teenage rom-com ever made, to even appreciate how much fun we are having.
Not even the arrival of Monday mornings can lessen our joy, because even the TAs at UCSB are outrageously attractive. Like, really outrageously. To the point where it is slightly unnerving that everyone attending this school seems to be ridiculously good looking. I mean, do you guys send in a headshot with your GPA, or? I just want to know where the sociology section of the library is, stop melting me with your azure eyes, witch librarian!
So, our cultural differences are fantastic conversation starters, great providers of humor, and they definitely help us learn about each other. All in all, there are moments we facepalm out of exasperation, there are times where we’re the ones making you guys want to facepalm, and yet we’re all linked up through this beautiful, unique temporary home – Santa Barbara.