1. You lose yourself through sacrifice.
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You sacrifice and go where your friend wants to go to dinner, you stay in when you wanted to go out, you don’t talk to that guy friend as much because it makes the new boyfriend uncomfortable. It’s small. It’s even justifiable or respectable. But, then you start sacrificing the bigger stuff, and not even necessarily for others. You sacrifice that trip you are going to take because it is just too inconvenient for you right now, you sacrifice that new job because it is just too scary, you sacrifice someone you care about because it isn’t as easy as you think it should be. You let these little sacrifices slip easily, until you are giving up things you would have jumped at before. And then, you are sacrificing little parts of you.
2. You lose yourself in decision paralysis.
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Too many choices and too much pressure result in no decisions being made at all. You just let yourself float and then end up paying the price for it.
3. You lose yourself when you listen too much to others.
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You look into the mirror and see someone else, someone that they wanted you to be. You see your father’s perfect daughter, your best friend’s perfect partner, your boyfriend’s perfect girlfriend. She used to look like you, but she isn’t really you, is she?
4. You lose yourself when you blame the world for your problems.
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Sometimes it really does seem like the world is against us and, who knows, maybe sometimes it is. But, you know deep down that you are to blame for some of this. You could have prepared more for your exams, put out more effort with your friends, just taken a little better care of your life. You lose yourself when you just brush off that responsibility and blame everything but yourself and your actions.
5. You lose yourself in your fear.
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Remember when you were a little kid, and you were fearless? Maybe you starred in the school play, maybe you dove across the plate for a home run, maybe you walked up and handed your crush a High School Musical valentine with a pink lollipop taped on it. As you grew up, you lost that. Life is scary now. You don’t take risks because it’s scary. What if you go for that promotion and don’t get it? Now everyone knows you aren’t good enough. What if you take a chance liking this person, and they hurt you just like the last one did? What if you fail? You don’t want to risk it, so you don’t try it.
But… This is how you find yourself.
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You start not sacrificing the little stuff. Go out to dinner and get what you want, go out to a club if you want to, be who you want to be, unapologetically. Make the decisions, even the small ones. A decision is better than no decision. If it is between which job to take, what lunch to buy, which color towel to buy… just pick one! If none of the choices are that bad, you can’t really lose. Listen to yourself and create a life where you are a person you are proud of. Odds are, everyone will still be pretty damn proud of you too. Take responsibility for your flaws, yet know that sometimes there is nothing you can do. You find yourself through finding that fearlessness you had as a kid. Go for it. Be who you want to be. Make no apologies. Okay, well, makes some apologies, but only real ones! You got this. Find yourself.