Intricate recipes are impressive, as their diverse ingredients cater to taste buds in all regions of your tongue, seducing you with their complexity. Is that a hint of saffron I taste? However, in this day and age, in particular this town, nobody has time for that kind of nonsense. Especially not your two favorite recipe bloggers. We believe that the art of simplicity brings us closer to our Atman. We also believe that balanced meals are overrated. For this week’s Trader Joe’s tribute, we proudly present:
Garlic Bread and Wine
Ingredients:
One loaf of Trader Joe’s Ciabatta Bread which will carry you swiftly down a Venician canal, serenaded by a local with a voice like the offspring of Cher and Harry Connick Jr.’s long-lost illegitimate child
One stick of butter, as smooth and creamy as the skin of a newborn Harp Seal
Two cloves of garlic that will gift you with the breath of a mighty dragon in a bejeweled cave somewhere in Camelot
Two teaspoons of rosemary that bring to mind an outdoor wedding under a white gazebo, surrounded on all sides by a mid-sized, neatly-trimmed hedge of colorful flowers, as well as a tearful great aunt who still uses a handkercheif
One jar of Trader Joe’s Vodka Sauce that brings to mind a valiant battle between Russia and Italy that, after thirty years of brutal conflict, ends in a truce, followed by a massive dancing festival
One (or two) bottles of Charles Shaw Shiraz, (known on the streets as “Two-Buck-Chuck”) a wine that deceivingly tastes as though it cost at least $4.00 and will leave you with a sloppy smile of satisfaction
Directions:
1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.
2. Put the stick of butter in a bowl and zap it in the microwave for about 30 seconds until it’s more like yogurt…warm yogurt.
3. Mince the garlic, then add stir that and the rosemary into the melted butter.
4. Slice the bread in half, width-wise, so you have two blank canvases.
5. Paint each half with the buttery mixture you have just created, then put the bread directly on the oven rack for about 15-20 minutes, or until the edges are as crispy and golden as Matthew McCoghnauhay’s hair.
6. Remove from the oven.
7. As the bread cools, pour the jar of Vodka sauce in a saucepan and bring it to a boil, then remove from heat.
8. Uncork the wine.
9. Slice the bread into as many slices as you like, then proceed to dunk it in the bubbling sauce.
10. Enjoy.
H&K Tip #1: Be sure to have a hearty supply of napkins before attempting this meal.
H&K Tip #2: This dinner tastes even better when listening to Piano Man: The Best of Billy Joel.
As we like to say, “When the butter hits the bread at the end of the day, that’s amoré!”
Maybe next week we won’t have Italian again. Maybe.