So, you’ve been talking to someone and the conversation has been a little… off. And by “off,” I mean practically nonexistent. For some reason, they just haven’t replied!
Minutes turn to hours, hours turn to days, and you start coming up with scenarios that would explain why they haven’t texted you back. Their phone ran out of battery. Something came up super last minute. They got possessed by a 19th century spirit, which would totally explain why there’s other things on their mind!
If this all seems too familiar, yikes. I don’t know how to break this to you gently, so I’ll just be upfront: you’ve been ghosted.
It’s OK! It happens to the best of us (me included). And it sucks. Dealing with such sudden abandonment is extremely difficult, and coming to terms with it can be madness-inducing.
Here’s a girl’s guide to becoming a ghostbuster, just in time for spooky season.
1. What is ghosting?
Ghosting is best described as the process of cutting off contact with someone (typically a romantic partner) without providing an explanation. The term became popular following actors Sean Penn and Charlize Theron’s breakup in 2015, where Theron simply stopped responding to Penn’s calls and texts.
With the introduction of social media and dating apps, ghosting has been taken to another level. It’s difficult to ghost IRL, but primarily digital conversations allow people to leave others on delivered or, even worse, on seen.
It’s understandable why ghosting has risen in popularity. To some, it’s easier to make a clean break than deal with an awkward situation. Regardless, it still hurts when you’re on the receiving end.
2. Determine how far along you are
Now that you’ve come to terms with being ghosted, it’s time to start moving on.
But before you even begin your ghostbuster journey, you need to determine how attached you actually are to this person. Talking for two days? You’ll be fine. You probably don’t even need this article. Two months? That’s another story.
While it may be easy to pretend like you’re OK, your feelings and hurt are completely valid. You shouldn’t ghost your own feelings, you should instead acknowledge them. Figuring out the extent of your attachment is key in moving forward with the healing process.
3. Don’t be an internet sleuth
After being ghosted, it’s tempting to figure out why. So you peel through their following, track their snap score, lurk in their tagged photos. Maybe you take it a step further — try to analyze their recent Spotify playlists, because maybe they’re sending you a secret message through a very specific order of Drake songs. You find their LinkedIn, because maybe they got a new job in a different city and need time to settle in.
While you may find loads of (useless) information, you still probably won’t find the reason for your ghosting. And now you must confront the reality of the situation: you just wasted time fixating on someone who can’t even open your snap from three days ago.
4. De-romanticize
It’s human nature to romanticize people, but delusions can and will hinder your ghostbuster journey. Here are a few basic universal reality checks to help jumpstart the ick process:
- 5’7 isn’t “cute” — it’s just short.
- Only texting you at night doesn’t mean they’re just “thinking about you.”
- Their “completely platonic” best friend is most likely not completely platonic.
Hope that helps!
5. Choose peace
I had a friend who, after being ghosted, would post on her Instagram story with the sole purpose of having him view it. She said she had to “show him what he missed out on.”
And he did watch her stories! But nothing came out of it. My friend would just scroll through her views, obsessively searching for his username as if it was equivalent to something substantial.
As frustrating as it may be, you can’t control people. Ghosts can’t be haunted.
So block their number, block them from your mind, and take any measure possible to stop thinking about them. As Taylor Swift famously sang “I forgot that you existed / And I thought that it would kill me, but it didn’t.” Aspire to be like Taylor. Protect your peace.
5. Be thankful
Believe it or not, your ghost actually saved you! They showed you their true colors earlier on. Imagine if something actually came out of the talking stage: you would be stuck in a relationship with someone who doesn’t know how to communicate properly. I can guarantee that will hurt 10x more than whatever you’re feeling right now.
There’s no need to text them “thank you” (have you even read this article?), but look at you now! You’ve come out of this experience as a healed individual with a mature mindset and proper coping mechanisms.
And with that, the ghost-ed has become an expert ghostbuster. Who you gonna call? Hopefully not them!