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8 Stages of Being Ghosted

Truly, is there anything worse (in the dating world, that is) than being ghosted?! If you happen to be one of the lucky girls who never experienced this, I’ll explain: “to be ghosted” means being cut off cold turkey by the person you’ve been talking to. Things seem perfectly fine, then suddenly all contact comes to a slamming halt. Dropped like a fly. No more calls, texts, snaps, DM’s… nada! This is their inconsiderate way of breaking up with you. Well, here are the stages of recovery from such an abrupt, icy break up.

1. Denial

I’m staying optimistic. It’s only been like, a week and a half with no word… he might still text me. Any day now. Once he realizes how much he misses me.

**Yes, I’m aware of the pathetic nature of this phase. It is what it is. It only gets worse from here.

2. Assuming the Worst

They’re dropping me. It’s happening. I’m never going to hear from him again. How could he do this me? After everything… It’s so rude! No closure!

3. Depleted Self-Esteem

It’s all my fault. I must’ve done something to scare him off. He must be sick of me. Maybe I’m not cute enough, and they found someone cuter. I’m sad! I’m going to lay in bed all day… for the rest of the week… SOMEONE GET ME SOME CHOCOLATE, STAT.

4. Slightly Hopeful

Okay, it’s only been a couple weeks. He’s definitely going to start missing me pretty soon. He totally might start things back up. I should turn him down when he does… make him beg for it a little. YES.

5. Wondering if You Should Be the One to Start Things Back Up

Now that it’s been awhile, I wonder if I should be the one to (shamelessly) text him? I could be the one to start things back up again. Maybe he just needed a little space?

Okay, yeah, I’m going to do it.

[SHAMELESS, BORDERLINE DESPERATE TEXT] 

No Response.

6. ANGER

I’m pissed now! After all we’ve been through, this is the respect I get. I couldn’t even get a real break up text… I get nothing. As if I never mattered at all, or even exsist for that matter. Wow. He’s a horrible person! Well fine, his loss!

7. Move on

Finally, I’m completely over it. That tiny, insignificant wound has healed… I realize how much of a coward he is for breaking up with me in this way. I need a real man. I’m glad that I’m not in a relationship with a guy capable of such a thing. Better now, than deeper in. I’m definitely better off!

8. Deliberation On How to Respond When They Finally Contact You Months Later

It Could Go One Of Two Ways:

    A. Immediate Rejection *Recommended

    Him: Hey girl, how you been? It’s been a while.

    You: No.

It might even be best to ignore him altogether… That is what he did to you afterall. 

    B. Cave… like an idiot (sorry, not sorry) *Not saying I’ve never done that, though

   Him: Hey girl, how you been? It’s been a while.

    You: Oh hey, it has been. How are you?

    Him: We should hang soon ;)

    You: Definitely ;) When?

    Him: Tonight?

    You: For sure. See you later. :)

AND the cycle begins anew. I’m sorry to say, but you should know that if he did it before, he’s going to do it again. Especially now that he knows that you’re fine with being treated like that.

Hopefully you’re capable of skipping to phase 7 like a true champ, because whoever ghosted you, does not deserve the time and energy it takes to get through phases 1-6. Trust me, there’s someone new right around the corner. 

My name is Lauren MacDonald and I am the former campus correspondent and editor in chief of Her Campus UCSB. While at UCSB, I dedicated much of my time to Her Campus as I strongly believe in its ability to empower women to tell their stories. I graduated in 2018 with a Bachelor of Arts in Communication Studies.
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