Self-sabotage. We’ve all heard of it; many of us have engaged in it, even if we may not have realized it at the time. But why do we purposely do things that we know will harm us in the long run? Why would we actively work against our own success? These actions might seem totally irrational, but if you look at the psychological research, they actually make perfect sense.
It’s called self-handicapping: we sometimes perform behaviors that sabotage our chances of succeeding, like when you choose not to study for a test or when you stay up all night before you have to give a presentation. And, believe it or not, it actually comes from a desire to feel good about ourselves (and for others to think good things about us, too). The basic logic is that it’s better to fail on purpose and have something to blame it on rather than genuinely try to succeed and risk failing anyways.
Like if we don’t study for a test and then fail: it’s obvious to ourselves and others that we failed because we didn’t study, not necessarily because we’re dumb or incapable of doing well on tests. That way, everybody — including you — keeps believing that you’re a smart person. But if you actually tried to study for the test and still ended up failing, the identity that you built for yourself as a smart person is threatened, and that can have devastating impacts on your self-esteem.
So self-handicapping is definitely a real (and relatively common) thing. But it’s also important to remember that sometimes people say that they performed a self-handicapping behavior when they really didn’t. One of your classmates could claim that they didn’t study for a test and that’s why they failed when in reality they studied really hard and were ashamed of their score, so they lied. It’s kind of messed up, but it all comes from our intrinsic need to feel good about who we are.
Unfortunately, the reasoning behind self-handicapping is often unconscious, so we usually don’t understand why we’re doing something that’s bad for us — or we may not even recognize that we’re sabotaging ourselves at all! But becoming aware of the problem is the first step toward fixing it. Learning about self–handicapping has made me realize that I do it all the time, so from now on I’m going to try to be more mindful of it in my own life.
If you’re in the same boat as I am, know that self-handicapping is totally normal, but it’s also not the healthiest way to protect your self-esteem. Self-affirmation, or reminding yourself about all of the good parts of your life (even in the face of a failure), is a much better way to feel good about yourself after a setback. And it’ll help you stop holding yourself back from achieving the success that you deserve.