In college, the people you’re surrounded by often come from a diverse and exciting display of backgrounds. This is one of the greatest joys of meeting new people in this phase of life, but it also means that we don’t know much about the friends who are helping us navigate all of the new experiences that come with adulthood. I’m here to tell you that in order to have meaningful, understanding relationships in college, you have to talk about some taboo topics. This is particularly important when it comes to money.
College has opened my eyes to the reality that having fun often comes with a cost. Whether that is $8 for coffee with friends, or an Uber to a concert, most of the experiences that I value and look back on with fond memories have presented a financial burden. Budgeting can be a great tool to help you manage your expenses in a way that still allows you to make room for these invaluable experiences, but when you are sharing them with others it is important to consider that most people our age are at different stages financially. This is where it is important to be open with your friends.
Talking about money can come in different forms. For the person struggling to keep up with the expenses tacked onto group plans, this can be an awkward conversation filled with uncomfortable feelings. Oftentimes, I’ve seen both myself and others avoid the topic all together and miss out on spending time with the people they value, or staying silent and struggling financially in other areas of their lives as a result. As a person in this situation, it has been important for me to realize that money should not become a reason that I have to stop being around my friends, and that most of them hold that same sentiment. The only way to realize this, however, is through talking about it.
Start having these hard conversations. This can be as simple as making an effort to share your opinion in planning, maybe even suggesting activities to do at home, or restaurants with a wider variety of cost levels. If you notice that having more of a say in the creation of plans isn’t having enough of an impact, having a more formal conversation about why you cannot attend an event might be more beneficial. Requesting that plans be made in consideration of cost will help those around you too; everyone can benefit from saving a little money here and there, so don’t feel like you’re alone in these feelings. If your friends are truly your friends, what you do together will not be nearly as important as the fact that you’re doing it together, and talking about money can be a great way to show that you value the people in your life regardless of how you spend your time with them.
The bottom line is this: it is important to be conscious of the differences in backgrounds between yourself and your friends. This can come down to considering that your out of state friends may be making a different wage than you during the summer, or that someone might be taking on a larger portion of their tuition payments than you are. Sensitivity is imperative when it comes to conversations about money, but that does not mean you should shy away from them entirely. Having these hard conversations can help you and your friends stay on the same page about what is realistic, while still being able to experience the joys of this period of life together. Money is the last thing that we want to hold ourselves back from living our lives, so having a conversation about topics like this is an important step in finding the people who you want to make meaningful relationships with.