“Commitment issues” is a buzz phrase these days, especially in the college dating scene. But I feel as though people don’t often consider the opposite end of this spectrum: attachment issues. It is difficult for me to admit this to myself at times, but I struggle deeply with getting prematurely attached to people. Whether it’s because of the way I grew up, my personal experiences with love or even my aching desire to love and be loved, I know I can’t be the only person who struggles with this. This trait, however, has led me down paths of codependency and getting taken advantage of. Now that I am truly single for the first time in six years, I have come to the conclusion that it is time to change up my ways of approaching love and relationships. Here are some ways I am trying to practice the law of detachment in order to ensure a balanced and healthy lifestyle:
- GET THE “ICK” SOMETIMES
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A common joke my friends make about me is that I never get the ick. Some icks I have seen that lead them to cut someone off immediately are if they are too nice or too affectionate now and then. Personally, it’s hard for me to be that cutthroat when it comes to cutting people off, especially when it’s because of something small about them. While a part of me thinks the idea of icks is silly, since expecting someone not to have any is an unrealistic pedestal to hold someone to, I can see how never getting the ick could also be quite troublesome. It’s vital to see past the rose-tinted lens at times. To see an ick every now and then reaffirms that you are seeing that person through a realistic and logical lens.
- MAKE DOING THINGS ALONE A HABIT
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As someone who is so naturally independent by nature, I never thought I would find myself so dependent on someone else. Not exactly addicted to their company, but more so addicted to the subconscious comfort that someone is always there. When there would be periods of no contact, I found myself experiencing symptoms of withdrawal due to the absence of that background comfort that the person would give me. To be physically alone is one thing, but to feel mentally alone is a whole different type of loneliness.
Due to this, I am much more conscious of how intertwined my life becomes with people close to me. I ensure there is a good balance of spending time with them, while also taking time to be alone and remind myself that I am okay alone, as well.
- CHECK IN WITH YOURSELF CONSTANTLY
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Following my last point, it is very important to have constant and honest check-ins with yourself. Analyze where you are at currently, how you are feeling and where you are focusing your intentions. Ensure that the pendulum of your energy is swinging fairly in your life and not stuck in one place for too long. It is very easy to get carried away with the serotonin of being around someone new, so this is vital to prevent any excessive or premature attachment to a person and the feelings that they give you.
To love wholeheartedly is a beautiful thing, and I will continue to stand by that. But, there is a fine line between loving unconditionally and loving blindly. While I am, myself, still trying to find that balance, I know that I have made a lot of progress in the ways I used to love. There is no right or wrong way to love, but some ways may lead you to more pain than others. Be mindful of your energy, be selective with your trust and be pure with your intentions. To allow someone to have your emotional attachment is a privilege; treat it as such.