An Open Letter to My Finals Week Self

Dear Finals Me,

Let me just say in advance that I am so sorry.  By the time you are reading this, you will already know that I lied to you at the start of this quarter. I made empty promises about a version of myself we both know doesn’t really exist. I said I would be on top of my homework and wouldn’t leave studying until the last minute, but that was a lie.

You are right. I deserve to feel stressed, sad, angry, and disappointed. You are a far better student than I will ever be. To pretend otherwise would be totally absurd. While you pull all-nighter after all-nighter, I spend my nights out partying with friends or just being flat out lazy. Please, don’t worry about me, I’m happy with my decisions at this moment. I mean, honestly, eating cookie butter with a chocolate bar while I sit in bed watching stand-up on Netflix is awesome. But I know that you could not be more hurt by my actions. There is no way I could ask for your forgiveness because I know I don’t deserve it. I just needed you to know how proud I am of your diligence, and that I regret my stupidity that ended up hurting you.

Week 2 was amazing. I was only a week behind on my readings, and while deep down I knew it wasn’t true, I told you I would catch up. I even cleaned our room and believed you would consider that a valid excuse for avoiding our work. I did anything to leave you hanging. I even went to the gym once. That’s how badly I wronged you. Now you’re left scrambling to fix me before finals week comes around. It was unfair and selfish of me to act that way. You love and take care of me more than I deserve. Our relationship is such a roller coaster, and you have to know I recognize that I carry nearly none of the heavy weight I’ve burdened you with.  

I’m not asking for forgiveness. I know I’m wrong. The purpose of writing this is to tell you how sorry I am. And when next Fall comes around, I promise with all of my heart to keep up with my homework: at least until third week.

Thanks for believing in me,

Beginning Quarter Me