Content warning: This story mentions rape and sexual assault.
The stigma against sexual assault victims in this society is one of the most baffling concepts to deal with, in my opinion. Oftentimes, it seems that the consequences for reporting these crimes harm the victim more than the assaulter themselves. Most of the time, the victim is scared to say anything in the moment. Once they finally are comfortable reporting it, they feel it’s been too long to make the report worth it (I fall into this category myself). In addition, victims are less likely to be believed than the accused, so they don’t even try to report it.
Luckily, April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month, so let’s try to break the stigma and empower victims. If we make sexual assault a more punishable offense, a crime that will harm the assaulter’s future and give them real time consequences, sexual assault rates will drop. As college women, this issue affects us more than the average person, so let’s educate ourselves and others while supporting each other in eradicating this issue.
The Facts:
One in four college women have survived rape or an attempted rape. This is a higher ratio than the nationwide quote; one in five women in the US in general have survived a rape attempt. Furthermore, 81% of all women in the US have experienced sexual harassment or assault. But, four out of five victims of sexual assault on college campuses will not report the crime, a larger ration than the two out of three of all women who will leave the crime unreported.
The Myths:
You can only be sexually assaulted or raped by someone you don’t know – wrong!
Over 50% of rapes are committed by an intimate partner, someone you are in an intimate relationship with. Another 41% occur by someone you are acquainted with already. Just because you are in a relationship with someone DOESN’T mean they are entitled to take advantage of you and do things to you without your consent.
It is your fault – so wrong!
No matter what you were wearing, what you were doing, how close you were to the person or what substances were in your body, there is no excuse for rape or sexual assault. Never victim blame or blame yourself; there are no instances of rape where the victim was “asking for it.”
The Resources:
The Campus Assault Resources and Education Center provides both virtual and in-person services, scheduled or walk-in. CARE services include reporting, healing and education for both victims of sexual assault and those looking to learn more in order to prevent future instances.
Santa Monica Rape Treatment Center
This center provides a free forensic exam up to five days after the incident.
National Sexual Assault Hotline
800-656-4673. Share this number with everyone you know!
Five years later, I am finally ready to tell my story. Intuitively, just writing this out and knowing it will be posted makes me scared and lowkey shameful (notice how it’s placed at the bottom where I know the least amount of people will read it). I have this pre-instilled bias in my head about even being a victim of sexual assault because of the society I’ve grown up in, but I know that being open about my experience is the first step toward accepting victims and lowering rates of sexual assault.
I was sexually assaulted by someone I was romantically involved with. Being young and naive with little to no experience in dating I didn’t notice in the moment how bad it was. This went on for a couple of months when I finally realized how uncomfortable it made me to be touched in that way in public, in front of friends and even family. I didn’t like being guilt-tripped by my partner whenever I didn’t want to do something sexual. I realized that I shouldn’t have to be persuaded to do certain things, that once I said “no” it was not okay for the person to try and change my mind or even do the thing anyway. I realized that this was sexual assault months into being sexually assaulted on a regular basis. I broke it off with the person, but the harm did not stop.
I felt disgusting in my own body the entire time I was with that person, which continued on long after the relationship ended. Victims of sexual assault and rape are more likely to develop anxiety, depression and other mental issues. Our self-image is dampened after being continually gaslit into thinking that our body is not ours. Sometimes, we engage in harmful actions to claim back the feeling of control of our own bodies. Although it has gotten better over time, I have struggled with anxiety and eating problems. In later relationships, I felt the flashbacks and repercussions of this harmful relationship that seeped their way into trusted, healthy ones. Setting boundaries has been difficult for me because the concept of boundaries was completely eradicated for me at a certain point in time.
Beyond the effects of being sexually assaulted, some of the people I told did not believe me and belittled me for possibly thinking this had happened to me. This caused me to struggle even more and start to convince myself that I had overreacted. Now, I know that my feelings were and continue to be valid. Sharing a story like this inevitably invites people in to tell you that it never happened, which is one of the main reasons I think that Sexual Assault Awareness Month is so important. Reminding victims that they are valid in their experiences and their reactions to them.
In college, many people are entering the world of dating and sex for the first time. It is important to know that none of this should be forced on you and saying no really does mean no, even if it’s not sex. Everything leading up to actual sex still needs consent, and I don’t think that that is talked about enough. Sexual assault is entirely to normalized in this society, but the more we educate and share our stories, the less assault will happen.
All the statistics in this article are provided by https://www.nsvrc.org/statistics and https://www.rainn.org/statistics/campus-sexual-violence. Visit these sites for even more stats!
If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted, you can call the National Sexual Assault Telephone Hotline at 800-656-HOPE (4673) or visit hotline.rainn.org.