As a February Pisces, I’ve had the absolute joy of my birthday landing within midterm season each year. With my birthday quickly approaching, I wanted to share a list of a few things I’ve learned before I officially circle the sun for the 20th time. So, without further ado, here are 19 lessons I’ve learned by age 19.
- Your accomplishments do not serve as ‘tickets of validation’ for your existence.
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You can simply exist without justifying your time on earth with momentos of your achievements and accomplishments. As an enneagram type 3, this was a very difficult thing for me to rationalize, but as time passes, it’s only becoming more abundantly clear that just -being- is enough.
- Have a “happiness” that get you excited to start the day, every day.
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Motivation is a fluctuating force, and when you’re repeatedly booked with work and school each day, starting the day might feel more like a chore. Look for an activity that’s small and personal that makes you look forward to getting out of bed. Most importantly, this activity does not have to be productivity/achievement based (self-care is inherently anti-capitalist, which is not a problem!)
- Put yourself in a position to be challenged- it’s how you learn and grow!
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Out with abandoning skills and hobbies we’re not immediately good at, in with tackling the tougher stuff so we can grow as a person.
- Learning doesn’t stop outside of the classroom.
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Learning has proven itself to be a continuous process that gives me a sense of purpose. In no way does it cease to exist once you exit an academic environment. Books, podcasts, TV, media and great resources alike can provide so much enrichment in your life.
- Having boundaries doesn’t make you selfish.
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You have every right to put yourself first without feeling guilty for doing so. You cannot pour out of an empty cup, no matter how selfless and generous you are. Which is why…
- The RIGHT people will respect your boundaries.
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And don’t feel bad for cutting off the people who don’t.
- The way people treat you is a reflection of themselves.
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You’ve probably heard this phrase before, but if you really think about it, it can be accurately applied to any situation– present or past. People can only understand you to the extent they’ve understood themselves. The same goes for the quality of their effort, actions and awareness of certain situations. Instead of internalizing a person’s actions towards you, keep in mind that most of the time, it had nothing to do with you to begin with.
- Don’t spend your adolescence trying to look for “the right one.”
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Nobody even really knows how to BE the right one right now. We’re all just barely starting to get to know who we are as individuals, so putting all your efforts towards finding another person will just be a dead-end endeavor.
- Being with the wrong person feels a whole lot lonelier than being by yourself.
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Similarly to the last note, being with the wrong person will make you feel misunderstood, trapped and limited. If you don’t feel compatible with the person you’re seeing, you’ll be doing both parties a favor by respectfully walking away.
- Progress isn’t always going to be linear. More often than not, it won’t be.
- Be sufficient by yourself.
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Know what brings you peace and know how to regulate your own emotions, because at the end of the day, you are the most reliable person in your life.
- Your beliefs shape your reality, so learn how you can reframe the negative ones.
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Henry Ford was right about one thing, “If you think you can do a thing or think you can’t do a thing, you’re right.”
- Be aware of what your energy is going into.
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Not knowing will lead you to live your life on autopilot.
- Stay in the moment.
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Whether the moment is good or bad, it deserves to be felt. Constantly searching for the source of your next moment of euphoria will leave you disengaging with the other 70% of life. Sometimes life feels mundane, but that doesn’t make the quieter moments any less entitled to being a part of life as a whole. Embrace the melting pot of good and bad, because it takes both to make up the experience of being alive.
- Be kind to yourself at your lowest, instead of judging yourself.
- Taking risks is the cure to perfectionism.
- There is ALWAYS an opportunity to practice gratitude.
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- Get to know who you want to be- then play the part.
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Come into alignment with the idealized version of yourself by acting and dressing like the part, as well as putting the right energy into it.
- At the end of the day, we regret the risks we didn’t take, more so than the ones we did.
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That’s a wrap! I’ll see you next year. Here’s to being candid, being human and learning as we go.