For so many decades, the human race has battled against almost all types of warfare; from hunting in the wild back before 2000 BCE, combating climate change, finding parking at UCF on a Monday morning to spending long hours under the sun at TanaCon. Regardless of all of the battles that humanity has fought, one thing has consistently threatened the progressiveness of the human species: commitment. This 10 letter word can appear somewhat horrific, as it makes it seem like we are bound to hold on to this one person for the rest of our lives, regardless of health or sickness.
To some people, the thought of having to be immune to liking some other girls’ bikini photos on Instagram, not being able to respond with a risky text when Bob from Chemistry just posted a thirst trap on Snapchat and keeping your distance from friends of the opposite gender just doesn’t sound like a good time. Hoe-ever, there are certainly more reasons than just the thought of losing the freedom to talk to other opposite genders that makes us fear the concept of commitment.
Sometimes, it can be so easy to blame the person who is not willing to commit if you’re coming from the side of a person who is. And that’s perfectly normal, considering you’ve tried so hard to impress the other person, reminisced about the lovely dates you’ve been on and told your friends so many good things about the person. But the truth is, everybody comes from a different setting where they grew up in; from the family that they were raised in to the type of romances they used to be a part of. Maybe they’ve faced a disappointment in their lives when it comes to commitment. Maybe their parents have gone through a tough divorce to the point that they re-think their decisions about committing to someone because they are not ready to deal with yet another messy separation in their lives. It completely varies from person to person, and that’s normal. The legendary psychologist, B.F Skinner once said: “behavior is determined by its consequences.” This means that some people could easily associate a relationship with a fight that they would rather choose to avoid at all circumstances.
In another case, it’s just purely about their lifestyle choices. I know some people that have spent most of their lives being single to the point that shifting from that independence to being around someone for most of the time takes a really good amount of time to adjust to. For some people who have been alone for a long time, they have to stop thinking about themselves and start thinking about investing their time for a significant other. It really takes some time and changes from always doing something on our own to having that company we weren’t used to before.
Although that this could be a valid excuse when there is indeed some solid evidence and effort for them to explain the situation, this is also one of the biggest loads of bullsh*t you could ever encounter throughout your dating life. If their excuse is simply about “finding themselves” or balancing academics and relationships—run.
First of all, it takes a lifetime to actually find who you are as a person and it’s not like you can’t find yourself when you’re dating someone, because you get a second opinion of the person you are becoming (and whether if it’s good or bad).
Balancing academics and relationships is honestly manageable, just as long as your partner can understand that. Unless you’re in a bad relationship where your partner is simply keeping you from making progress, it’s just a balancing act. Someone saying they can’t have a relationship with you because they struggle balancing academics and relationships is like saying, “I can’t be exclusive with you because I have to go to work.” In reality, no matter how exhausted or burnt out we are at school or at work, we always get way too excited to see that special person that brings joy into our lives because they just truly make all the worst things seem small.
And the last brutal, yet honest, reason is simply that they’re just not that into you. Some people are too scared to admit that they don’t have enough strong feelings for someone to be in a relationship with them or that they just don’t feel like settling down and committing to you. Now, it’s very tough if you are the person who is willing to commit and you see yourself being with the person who does not want a relationship with you. Sometimes, there have been times in your life where you say to yourself, “Oh well, I’d probably stick for a month or two and just cherish those moments with this person because I just really like them” or “Well so what? I don’t want a relationship anyway but in reality, I am sure as hell I really like this person.”
As young and intelligent women, we cannot compromise to lower our commitment standards just so that we can have that feeling of reciprocation from someone who right from the start is not willing to do the same. While we might think that this is a symbol of putting our feelings first because we are going after who we want, the next question is are we fulfilling our needs to be loved like how we wanted to be before even meeting this guy? Is this a symbol of loving ourselves more than just a silly infatuation? I’d like to remind everyone that there are still, in fact, really hot guys out there who are willing to commit to you the way you are ready to be committed to someone. We should stop wasting our heartbreak on someone who clearly does not deserve it.
Being committed to someone is more than just sending that good morning text or going on a Chick-Fil-A date on campus, yet there is another level of emotional intensity and other ramifications once you determine that this is the person that you want to be with above everyone else. Committing means taking the person for who they are and going back to the first reason why you fall for them in the first place, regardless of when you see someone better. In the movie Set It Up, Meredith Hagner talks about the difference of infatuation and love. She says the feeling of just “like” goes along the line of “I like you because…” whereas “love” starts with “I love you despite…”
It’s really more than just the positive aspects of a relationship where you finally get to be with someone for cuffing season or receive that “relationship badge” on your Instagram for being that power couple on social media. There will always be the ugly parts such as disagreement and other unseen factors in a relationship that are not shown in public, that these “perfect” couples have to go through in order to keep their relationship. Therefore, don’t even think about spending your time, effort and energy for someone who only wants to enjoy being admired or validated by you when they don’t feel like they are ready to respect and care for who you truly are, a divine goddess.