I’ve always been a girly girl. I’ve always loved the color pink, jewelry, makeup, hair accessories, purses and pretty much anything that makes up the term “girly girl.” I was never embarrassed about it up until middle school. That’s when I felt a shift in the way I viewed myself and the urge to change. I felt the pressure of being perceived and wanting to fit in. The idea of femininity had been molded for me by society in the worst possible way, and I believed it.
For so long, I rejected the idea of being associated as girly and the definition of femininity became a blur. I basically went against everything that it meant because I thought it would make me different in comparison to other girls but also likable to boys. In trying to please the world, I made women my enemy. It was so confusing and contradicting at the same time. I was so out of touch with myself that it really didn’t matter how I acted or dressed; the expectations for being a woman are unreachable. We’re encouraged to be feminine but also torn down for expressing it.
I did get over this eventually, but as a middle schooler, I thought the worst thing you could be called was basic. On a large scale, it seems silly, but as women, we are constantly put against each other and seen as competition. There’s nothing wrong with liking the same things as other girls, so why are we taught that there is? I grew up thinking that I had to go against every other girl to be unique and to be noticed. That’s so far from the truth. It’s devastating the way we’ve been programmed to think this way because the bond that women hold when they support each other is so powerful.
As individuals, we carry both feminine and masculine qualities. But femininity has always been seen in a negative way for men and women. It’s seen as weak, emotional and obsessive when it’s the opposite of this. Femininity is beautiful and strong. It’s the act of communicating and appreciating the beauty of the world. It’s not following traditional norms. It’s also fighting against these notions and there’s nothing “weak” about that. Being able to share your femininity, regardless of your gender, is something so incredible and special.
Femininity is often associated with just women, but in reality, it affects individuals part of the LGBTQ+ community and cisgender men. These individuals also receive the backlash of being in touch with their femininity. Feminine qualities are human qualities we all hold and express differently. Coming from a Hispanic family, I’ve witnessed firsthand the impact of machismo, masculine pride, and how harmful it can be. These heavy masculine expectations can be so damaging in countless ways, and there are so many people that can’t truly express themselves for fear of not being accepted. Femininity holds basic human traits like communication, empathy and sensitivity. These qualities shouldn’t be seen as weak or just for women.
The toxicity surrounding traditional views of femininity is truly damaging, but we get to change the narrative. We get to define what femininity really means while empowering it and also freely expressing ourselves. It doesn’t belong to just one gender; it belongs to everyone.