A very dear friend once called me an “I Love You Whore.” And up until recently, I wouldn’t be able to contest. To this day, I say it all the time. To my parents, my sister, my roommates, best friends, guy friends, and I’ve said it to previous boyfriends.
Whatever the circumstances, as the words leave my mouth they are met with a variety of different emotions attached: indifference, regret, contentment, fear, giggles, tears, warmth.
The three simple words are bullets in a gun. They can have unpredictable repercussions if you don’t know where you’re aiming.
Sure it seems harmless enough, hollered through a near empty house as you rush out the door. You hope your roommate hears your voice and it brightens her day, if even just a bit. As each of you hustle your way through a stress jammed day, you want to offer her a reminder of just how much you care.
And mumbled through the phone, up late at night, the words fly as easily as your cell reception to your old friend from back home, the same friend who means the world to you.
It seems innocent–kind, even–to offer such words to people you care deeply about.
But what happens if you say it too freely? Is there a context to be met here?
To answer the question honestly, there isn’t.
Sure, don’t say it to just anybody. Don’t just offer it up to your newest inseparable wing woman/partner-in-crime. Don’t just tell the guy you’ve been dating for a couple of months you love him just because you’re excited about being in a new relationship. And don’t ever, ever tell somebody you love them in hopes of making them stay.
You don’t want to hurl your terms of endearment at anyone who makes you happy in a moment; it will desensitize you and it will make the words less moving when you meet people truly deserving of them.
But, in the same moment, don’t be scared of the words either. The words don’t need to be reserved for a boyfriend or someone you look at romantically. Sure it’s wonderful, but that’s not the only kind of love there is.
Your family, those people who stick by you no matter how ugly times get, those people have your unconditional love, and generally, love you unconditionally as well.
The people who’ve held your hand through the break-ups, your hair through the nights gone wrong, the phone when you need advice; those wonderful souls are absolutely deserving of your love. Those friends are the people who haven’t gone anywhere and aren’t leaving anytime soon. They aren’t just the girls who are fun to go out with, they are the people who listen, the people who care. You love them, and they love you. Real friendship is so often taken for granted, and when it’s found, gives a whole new twist on the term “soul-mate.”
And even among friendships, you can love people for different reasons, making those three little words
between you have a meaning all your own.
Sure, being an “I Love You” abuser has a negative connotation. And since the words were used to describe me, I have learned more than I’d like to admit about love in general – about those three bullets in a gun. I don’t say them as freely anymore, but I’m not scared.
The thing to remember is that there is so much love in the world, and you can love so many different people in so many diverse ways. Just don’t get carried away.