Some say sex is like pizza: Even when it’s bad, it’s still pretty good. And most of us have had our fair share of “bad pizza.”
Of all the bad pizza, that “first slice,” also known as losing your virginity, can be the most awkward or horrible experience. Sometimes awful sex stories can become a funny story to share with your friends.
If you’re feeling unsure or guilty about some bad sex, feel relieved after reading some of the most bizarre or horrendous cherry-popping stories from around campus. All stories are from UCF students, but have asked to remain anonymous to save themselves from embarrassment.
Ridin’ Dirty
“I lost my virginity in a car. It was actually after prom in high school and my boyfriend and I had been dating for almost a year. After we were done (or fairly close to finished), a police officer pulled up. I could not have put my clothes on any faster. When I walked out of the car, I realized the cop was my next door neighbor.”
Everybody Loves Raymond
“My first time, the show Everybody Loves Raymond came on. Beforehand my boyfriend and I were watching television. Once we got into it I could only focus on the pain and Ray Romano shouting in the background. To this day if I see that show, I get in the mood.”
Out on the Porch
“My boyfriend and I were hanging out at a friend’s house one night. We walked outside on the porch to smoke and have some drinks. Once things started to get hot and heavy, we moved to a longer seat outside. When we walked back in the house, we realized the window was open and our friends saw the whole show.”
“No, That Was Not An Orgasm”
“I lost my virginity back in senior year of high school. I brought my boyfriend back to my house after school while my house was empty. All I could remember was him staring at me with this creepy smile. We had no television or music playing, so I could hear everything from the bed creaking to…well…the sounds of gettin’ busy. I couldn’t stand hearing it so I tried to muffle up the sound by talking and making my own sounds. My boyfriend thought they were orgasms and asked if I was faking it. Clearly I didn’t have one, but he was feeling proud of himself. All I could say was, ‘No, I wasn’t faking anything because that was not an orgasm’.”
Mood Music
“My fiancé and I tried to spice things up so we decided to play music while we fooled around. The music he selected was some weird ancient oriental music. As I was laying there waiting for him, he decided to start dancing to the music like a samurai. I was speechless, appalled, but curious. I had never been more turned off in my life.”