Shyness is one of the more confusing human traits. Sometimes it’s cute, other times it’s irritating, and it’s almost always confusing. For you collegiettes it is even more confusing. In a lot of ways a shy guy is the opposite of the stereotypically macho guy you grew up learning about.
There is no way to just simply list a “Top 5” ways to date a shy guy. A shy response to a situation or person is extremely complex. What can be done is to recognize the way the guy communicates and adapts. Everyone has their own communication style. The only difference with shy guys is that it’s essential that you learn their “style.”
Shy guys let their shyness shine when the focus is on them. In case you’re not used to dealing with a guy’s shyness, this becomes a particular problem when trying to have a conversation alone. I used to have a hard time with shyness. I found that after a topic was brought up between my girlfriend and I, I needed a few minutes to collect my thoughts and then “re-enter” the conversation. As it turns out, my shyness was preventing me from realizing my true feelings. In turn, it prevented a real conversation from taking place.
Shy guys don’t need therapy, they don’t need to be yelled at, and they certainly don’t need to be treated like there’s something wrong with them (unless their shyness is preventing them from functioning well in society). What a shy guy needs is someone to work with them until he figures out the way in which he communicates best.
Imagine trying to relax with your boyfriend after a tough day of classes and work. You start to talk, hoping he’s invested in both you and the conversation, only to see a blank look on his face. Sound familiar? Unless he just doesn’t care, your boyfriend is probably just at a loss for words. Even more likely, he knows what he wants to say, he just doesn’t know how to communicate it without it coming out wrong or offending you. To prevent you from getting angry, try asking him what he’s feeling. Blatantly asking a guy what he’s feeling is sometimes a little dangerous, but if he’s already invested in the relationship then he should invest in the conversation. Chances are that he is going to take your blunt question as concern and think about what he really wants to say.
Here comes your warning. As one of my exes learned the hard way, do not yell at your boyfriend for being shy. I almost guarantee that he will shut down for the remainder of the conversation and walk away, temporarily resenting you. Getting mad and yelling at someone for being shy is about as stupid as getting mad and yelling at someone for being gay. You will accomplish nothing. Talk to them. Tell them to their face that you understand that they’re shy and you just want to find the best way to communicate. It sounds corny, sure, and it can take a lot of work, but I promise it’s worth it. Every relationship takes work – never forget that.
As always, communication is key. A strong line of communication will hold through the toughest times you’ll face as a couple.
Until next time,
Real UCF Guy Dave