Let’s face it – college is not a career. At it’s best, college should be preparing you for your career, while putting you through some tough decisions and circumstances. You’ll enjoy some of the best times of your life and suffer through some of the toughest times. College is by no means a breeze, and you will find yourself stressing like never before. Imaging what this could do to a potential relationship is almost reason enough not to get into one! Well, I’m here to help (after two serious attempts myself) guide you though what can be one of the toughest struggles you’re never taught to prepare for: balancing your future with your college relationship.
Taking a break can be a good thing.
“We’re on a break.” Everything about this seems scary and wrong. Once it comes up in conversation, it can’t be unsaid. Even worse, your mind can’t stop racing, trying to figure out why the other person said it. Just who the heck do they want to be with more than you? Stop right there. Breaks in relationships have been stereotyped (mostly by television – “We were on a break!” anyone?) to the point that it’s become synonymous with breaking up. Unfortunately, this stereotype has pretty much killed the positive spin a break can have. Stress is one of the most successful killers of a relationship, and without a doubt your career; whether it is school, internships, or an actual career, it will be one of the worst stressors at this age.
Remove any misconceptions you have about what “taking a break” means. Realize that it is the adult version of needing space. You don’t need to ban the other person from your life. Understand that one of you is stressed at the moment and needs some time to focus on his or herself so the relationship can keep going strong. Go into your break having already spoken about why you’re doing it and what you want out of it. Your chances at a successful reconciliation will skyrocket.
At some point one of you will probably be broke.
The most literal point of this is that unlike your future career, college will not be supplying you with enough money to live on. As I mentioned in my previous article, Attention ladies, Man up!, having the guy pay for everything is an old tradition that creates needless tension in your relationship. If both of you talk about sharing financial duties in the relationship (food, dates, etc.) then when one of you is struggling for money, you both understand this and can work through it. Remember: A lack of money does not mean a lack of effort in the relationship.
Internships and stress.
Like a career, an internship will stress you out undoubtedly at some point. An internship is the last “test” before entering a career. For that reason, it is the most similar to what your life will be like post-college. Again, talking about this and preparing for it will save you some needless arguments and fights. Don’t let the stress of an internship break the connection you feel to your significant other. Besides, sometimes your significant other is the only person you want to be with after a tough day.
Experimentation and what it means.
The feeling of being young (but old enough) and at college is a feeling people of all ages often wish they could do again. It’s a time for experimentation, embracing new ideologies, and transitioning into who you will become as an adult. With all of this experimentation, it comes as no surprise that you may become frustrated with your significant other and wonder, “Just what they’re doing with their life.” It’s called growth; no pun intended. While people continue to grow for many years after they leave college, nothing compares to the amount of growth and experimentation crammed into your college years.
Multiple part-time jobs, unpaid internships, and degree changes can be irritating to deal with in a relationship. Although, it is a necessary step toward one’s continuing growth, and it needs to be worked through in a positive light. Be careful, know your limits, keep an open mind, and have open communication, and the relationship will be that much easier.
In the end, the hardest thing you are going to have to do is communicate. It can be really hard at times, considering how busy and stressed you’ll be. But a quick ten-minute conversation is definitely more enjoyable than an hour-long fight.
Until next time,
Real UCF Guy,
David