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Playing Hard to Get: The Flawed Game of Love

This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at UCF chapter.

Boys. Guys. Men. Males.

No matter the word you use, no doubt us ladies just see a bunch of synonyms for one word: confusion. Guys are our enigmatic counterparts who appear incredible complicated, but are often quite simple to understand.

However, that simplicity seems so hard to believe that we push on, hoping to uncover the real secret to the male psyche. It’s hard enough when they’re our fathers, brothers, or friends. But when we’re trying to date one? It sends shivers down my spine just thinking about it.

But there is one method to our endearing madness that I’ve never really grasped.

Playing hard to get.

It’s a long-standing tradition that probably dates back all the way to early days of courting. The facts of the game are easy to grasp. Don’t let the guy know you’re interested right away. Drop hints of varying degrees of coyness to bluntness. Make him jealous. Be unavailable. Refuse his advances until he finally makes that all important move.

As easy as it sounds, it’s never been a game I’ve wanted to play.

If I like a guy I want him to at least realize it without me having to say anything. Me being available doesn’t mean I don’t have a life, it just means that I care enough to carve out time for him in my schedule. Making him jealous seems incredibly anti-productive at best and a little cruel at worst. And refusing him? Talk about mix messages.

It all just seems like a flawed way of trying to get a guy to care, all the while acting like you don’t give a crap about him. How does that really make any sense?

I’m what’d you call the “All In” girl. I give a 100% from the very beginning of a possible mutual attraction, because if I’m not giving it my all why should I expect that from him?

Now I’m not saying do the horizontal hora in reckless abandon when you barely know him. That’s practically the definition of jumping the gun. But show him that you think he’s worth your time long before any kind of commitment, be present, and be his friend.

I’ll admit its a riskier game to play emotion-wise. And definitely isn’t for the faint of heart. You have to go in knowing it could come crashing down around you, but also knowing that if it all works out that’d you’d never have known had you not tried.

If he gives 100% back and makes moves, then great. If he’s wishy washy or distant, that proves he’s just not worth your time. I say give it your all until it becomes clear if he’s deserving of it or not.

And if he’s not, well we’re on a giant college campus, there are tons of other great guys out there just dying to meet you.

Photo credit: 1, 2

Christian is a 2020 UCF graduate and Creative Writing and Legal Studies duel major and an aspiring novelist working on her debut novel. One look at her color-coded closet and it’s obvious why Confessions of a Shopaholic and The Devil Wears Prada are her favorite movies of all time. If she’s not spending all her money on clothes and high heels, she’s probably out buying more books to go on her already overstuffed bookshelf. The women she looks up to most are J.K. Rowling, the queen of all things literary, and Anna Wintour, the queen of all of thing fashion. If she could be a combination of them by the time she’s thirty, she will have proudly hit her peak.
UCF Contributor