Dear So She Says,
After reading the Naughty Knights column, I wanted to share my own story and possibly get some advice!
So about 2 months ago, I started hooking up with this guy. We had known each other for a few months, and I had just broken up with my serious boyfriend, he had just broken up with his serious girlfriend, we were both heartbroken and lonely. We always had this attraction to each other, and the timing was perfect. The only problem- I had just graduated and was planning to move across the country for my new job just a month and a half after we first got together.
It didn’t seem like a problem at the time. “It’s just a fun hook-up and a fling, just until I leave” was what I kept telling myself. I thought once I left, I’ll be fine, and I probably wouldn’t even talk to him anymore. But it almost always turns to something more, doesn’t it? He was so sweet to me, and I trusted him, and he started to break away at the walls I put up after being hurt so badly by my ex. I almost felt like he was too good for me, like there was no way I deserved someone like him. But I knew he felt the same about me. We balanced each other out so well and we would see each other almost every day. Not to mention, having sex with him was better than any sex I’ve ever had before.
So the time comes for me to leave, and we spend one last night together then say our goodbyes. I’m still in denial, saying I’ll move away and I’ll be so busy with work and my new life to even talk to him anymore. But I get to my new city, and all I can think about is him. I’m in a place surrounded with eligible bachelors, but I still only think about him. We still keep in touch, and talk almost every day. But our cute talks have turned into arguments more often than not, because we’re frustrated and we miss each other and we don’t know how to deal with the situation at hand.
I know it’s not fair for me to think I can keep a hold on him. I live far away now and will likely not be able to see him again for a very long time, if ever. He told me recently he thinks he might get back together with his ex. It definitely hurt to hear that, but I understand that he feels lonely, and it’s easy for him to go back to her especially because I’m not there anymore. But for some reason I just can’t get past this. I didn’t really see how much he meant to me until I had to leave.
I don’t really know what to do from here. Do I just let it go and move on with my life? Or do I fight to keep what we have, especially since I truly feel like I won’t find another guy quite like him?
Thanks for listening, can’t wait to hear your advice.
-West Coast Girl
Dear West Coast Girl,
DO YOU KNOW HOW LUCKY YOU ARE? You just moved to a new place, and have the opportunity to start all over. Many of us girls DREAM about it, and you dear, have been granted the opportunity to do so. So go and recreate yourself, the world is literally at your fingertips.
Your problem right now is two-fold. So let me break it down for you. The first thing is this: You have your invisible barricade up protecting your heart. What I mean by that it is, you can’t expect to meet someone new when you’re still harping on this guy. It’s almost as if you have this sign plastered to your forehead reading, “I AM SINGLE, BUT I’M NOT LOOKING FOR ANYONE NEW BECAUSE I’M STILL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE ELSE,” and even though you still try and fake a smile when you meet new people, that sign is still hanging on your face. It’s time to erase that.
So here’s the sitch. You say you love this guy, right? Well like I always say, if something is meant to be it WILL be, no matter the cost and no matter the distance, so just let it be and let come what may.
I’m sure you’ve already made some new friends, because you seem like a pretty approachable person. Go out with them, be OPEN to new experiences, because distracting yourself and surrounding yourself with other people and things will then create a new and inviting energy, which in turn will draw people in.
So, what you need to do right now is to focus on YOURSELF. Not this guy or any other guy for that matter. Take YOURSELF out on dates, buy YOURSELF nice things; essentially, take good care of you. Try making it a routine to go to the gym more, or making sure you can afford a mani/pedi once or twice a month or whatever makes YOU feel GOOD. Make sure you have time in between work and everything else you have going on, to focus on YOUR person, because in the end that’s really all that matters.
Keep Writing,
SSS
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