Times have been tough these past few years; families have had to cut back on the eating-out, going on expensive vacations, buying so many Christmas presents, and a variety of other luxuries. Some parents have lost their jobs and are therefore struggling more than your average family. And then there are some families that haven’t seemed to be affected at all. However, there is one unique set back that I’ve come to realize is more relevant than to just my own family. Fathers (and probably some mothers, too) are being transferred to different locations, and instead of selling their homes, picking up their families, and moving everyone, they are only moving themselves.
Right before the start of my senior year in high school, my dad called me into his room. He told me he needed to tell me something, and he didn’t know how I was going to take it; he was being transferred to Georgia. A myriad of questions went through my head. It was my senior year – would I have to move? What about my boyfriend? I didn’t want to leave my entire life just to start over somewhere else. But, my dad explained, there might be a solution. He would move to Georgia by himself and leave my mom, my younger brother, and me, at home.
Despite trying to find a way out of being transferred – his job was only moving him so he could work in an office instead of working out of the house – my dad had no choice but to move. By October, he was living in an apartment by himself in Georgia. Being the money-savvy father that he is, he slept on two stacked air mattresses and ate dinner on a wood board he put across the arms of a chair (some other money-savers included: a space heater, a box as a side table, no internet, and no cable). My dad discovered a website that allowed him to download movies for free, so he would load them while at work and watch them when he got back to his apartment. He also made “friends” with a chipmunk he would see while on his balcony.
He would come home once every month or two for a weekend or so, and after the months went by I could tell he missed being home. My dad is not the emotional type, so we were never that close. But after more and more visits, I started to notice that he seemed to be getting nicer. With so much time apart, we had a lot of catching up to do, which meant we actually had something to talk about. I also remember my dog, Piper, crying and running around the house whenever my dad would walk through the door.
When my dad had been a resident of Georgia for about 8 months, I left for college. This meant that my house was down to only 2 members – my mom and little brother. After he hit the year mark, I know my dad was frustrated and tired of living up there, especially because he was only in the office with one other guy – who soon got transferred to Michigan. This meant my dad was now totally alone, working at an office in Georgia.
My being in college meant that I hardly saw my dad at all. If I knew he was coming home, I would try to make a trip down south, but it didn’t always work out that way. Finally, after a year and a half away, my dad got to move back home (although his job “changed” and they may end up eventually letting him go).
Being away definitely changed my dad. I think it made him appreciate his family more and softened him up a bit. Also, the combination of me growing up and being a college student with him having been so far away made our relationship better. We talk more often and have more to talk about, and there haven’t been any arguments between us for a while now.
What made me realize that this same situation could be affecting other families was when one of my friends told me that her dad, too, had been transferred out of state. And, like my family, her family was down to her mom and little brother living alone in their house while her dad was in Texas and she was at college.
From a daughter’s point of view, it was hard at times having a dad who wasn’t there; my mom and I started fighting a lot and it sucked to not have another parent there to help even things out. And I can only imagine how it was from my mom’s point of view. I know she – after almost 25 years of marriage – in a way, enjoyed having a “break,” but I know that after not seeing my dad for weeks or an entire month, she missed him being around.
My dad made the ultimate sacrifice, and for that, I am proud to call him my father. Even though it was not in the least bit ideal for him, he did what he had to for his family. And in the end, as unpleasant and annoying as the situation may have been, it ended up changing my family for the better.