Just A Little Too Smart For Movies

I think I’ve finally become a little too smart for movies.

When we were kids, it was so fun going to movies. It was a treat. Seeing all kinds of films about all kinds of things, taking them in, and enjoying them was one of my favorite activities. After EVERY movie I saw as a child, I would walk out of the theater and gush to my parents about how great I thought it had been. When I was younger, I had never met a movie I didn’t like. My parents would just let me ramble on and listen patiently. It never crossed my mind that maybe they had been a little too smart for movies at that point, as well. Lately, when I’m sitting in a movie theater, I find myself thinking ahead, guessing what happens next, predicting. It’s very rare that a typical Hollywood movie script can surprise me with a plot twist or an unpredictable ending.

Frankly, it’s become distressing. I spend all this money on the movies themselves, plus the necessities, like slushies and popcorn, and while my friends come out of the movie with nothing but good things to say, I have become increasingly tough to impress.

Think about it. As we mature and go through school, we learn how to critically think and analyze all kinds of things. Your English class taught you to analyze a story.  Your art history class taught you to think about the significance of a painting. Your TV production class might have been the worst of all, ruining you for movies ever, by teaching you to break down the plot of a film.  We have simply reached an age where we can no longer choose to not think or be blissfully ignorant. Just tell me how I can be impressed with the movie when I’ve seen the little girl with an animal sidekick save the day time and time again?

We can think about this critically:

Do people like movies without happy endings? No? If the goal of making a movie is to sell tickets and everyone likes movies with happy endings, then the possibility of the movie having a happy ending will increase in order to sell said tickets. That means there is a very low chance of the antagonists actually winning in the end.

Is there a sequel? Yes? So the possibility of the main character getting out of whatever pickle they are in will also increase.  No one wants to see a sequel that has an all new cast.

By using deductive reasoning, I can break the plot down in my head to it’s bare bones.

The fact that my brain works on overdrive in the theater is only magnified by the fact that I cannot shut up during movies.  I am the worst person to go to the theater with because I will literally talk through the entire thing, predicting what will happen next and making dumb jokes.

Movies are no longer a way to relax. I can no longer sit in a dark room with my friends, not talk, and become a vegetable in front of the moving pictures for two hours. My brain never shuts up and neither does my mouth.

So, sadly, I must have outgrown the typical Hollywood movie plot line, and I guess I have to come to terms with the whole ordeal. I have just become a little too smart for movies.

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