It all really depends on the circumstances, but here is a basic scenario: You meet a guy at a party on Friday. You guys make out at the party and exchange numbers. For the next week, you find that you and this guy are texting quite often. You decide to meet up at a local club the following Friday. You make out again, but nothing more. The next week you guys are texting again. You are starting to think that this guy is pretty cool and are even developing a crush on him. After another week of texting here and there you decide that you want to try and date him.
So what is the next step?
You may ask yourself, “If I have sex with him will he date me?” The short answer is “No.” The somewhat hopeful answer is “Probably not, but it does happen once in a blue moon.” The longer, more complicated, answer is as follows:
It is thought by some girls that if we give a guy the best sex (or any other sexual favors) he’s ever had, he will come back for more. We imagine this seemingly logical process to result in the current-guy-of-our-heart’s-desire becoming a recurring guest star in our fantasy TV show of “Love and Life.” And while this may seem logical for us women, to a guy it just doesn’t cut it. Many guys have proven that they are more about quantity than quality: whereas a girl will have an amazing hook up with a guy and want to hook up again, a guy will have an amazing hook up with a girl and immediately go looking for the next best hook up. Meaning, not with that same girl.
Let’s just be honest here and state the obvious: we all want sex. In one form or another, whether it be with the love of our life or with a random stranger just for one night, men and women are ultimately looking to score. That being said, why would a guy date you if you gave him what he ultimately craves without having to date you? He most likely wouldn’t. Don’t be discouraged just yet though, there is a way to both date him and have sex.
As cliché as it sounds, guys want to date the girl who is different. If you want to stand out in the Great Sea of Estrogen, don’t do it by trying to give him amazing sex without anytype of commitment – do it by not giving him sex until you’ve been dating (for however much time you feel is necessary).
Why will this work?
Well, let’s say that the majority of girls this guy associates himself with are girls who “hook up.” By you not hooking up, it silently says to him “Hey, I know something you don’t.” If he is dating material and even worth your time at all, he will immediately perk up and wonder just what that something is.
If he does like you, not hooking up before dating him should have gotten his attention, and now you can move on to asking him out – or maybe he will even ask you out first! Once you start dating, it is probably understood that you two will eventually have sex, so at least by this time you will have made sure that he does like you, instead of waiting to see if he would have liked you after.
There is one last thing I want to mention: beware and keep your guard up. Unfortunately, there are guys out there who will pretend to like you and who may even go as far as to date you just to get in your pants. If you are serious about wanting to have a relationship with a guy, then waiting as long as you can to have sex is your best bet at making sure he really does like you too. If he is just playing games, he might get bored after a few weeks of no progress and stop talking to you – which, in this case, you will be glad that you held off.