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I Graduate This Semester, and I’m Still Clueless


I’m sure some of you read this title and couldn’t relate because you’ve known what you wanted to do since you were 11 years old, and I don’t know if I hate you or envy you. But, to those that read it and understood my exact feeling, I feel so safe with you.

I never envisioned I would graduate college and feel even more confused about what I wanted to do than when I started. Still, I’m constantly surprising myself, and here we are. Let me explain something, though; it’s not like I’m not passionate about anything. I’m, in fact, passionate about a whole lot of things, but it’s almost like the number of things I want to do with my life is so overwhelming and makes me feel like I don’t know what to do at all. With the number of things I like, I don’t see me being able to do them all in a span of one lifetime, unless I just job hop every year, which I guess shows a lack of loyalty to a company, and then no one will hire me and that just doesn’t sound too exciting. 

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How do I answer someone when someone asks what I want to do after I graduate? How do I explain that I want to be a mental health counselor, work for a magazine, be a yoga instructor, become an author, start a podcast, work for a nonprofit, maybe eventually become a college professor and own a cafe all at the same time? Simple! You don’t — or you do, and they just stare blankly at you. It honestly makes me feel defeated. With only one guaranteed life and so many passions, many of them will eventually have to fade away — similar to the new hobbies I pick up every three months that I spend an absurd amount of money on, try it for about a month, and then it gets moved to the top of my closet to collect dust. 

I’m conflicted because I don’t want my life to feel like running in a revolving door just chasing the next passion. I want to find a job where all my passions are being fulfilled in some way, and that’s the thing. During my time in college, no one ever talked about the need to be passionate about your job; they only talked about getting a job to make money, buy a house and then start a family. Don’t get me wrong those things are important, but they aren’t important to everyone. I don’t want to feel so unfulfilled after college — the thought is terrifying. 

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I want to live a life full of so much joy. I want to wake up every morning and feel passionate about what I’m doing to help the world. I want to channel everything I’m passionate about and feel fulfilled in my job. I have to learn that it isn’t that I don’t know what I want to do with my life; it’s that I don’t know what will make me feel happiest — and that’s okay. Instead of being sad that I’m unsure of what I want to do after I graduate, I’m trying to look at it as an opportunity. An opportunity that I can shape my life in any possible way. So, yeah, I may never find that one career that channels all my passions, but that’s the beauty of life. I can change it up and be anything I want to be, whenever I want to be it.

Avery is a student at the University of Central Florida majoring in Interdisciplinary Studies with a minor in Nonprofit Management and a certificate in Leadership & Gender Studies. Avery is passionate about all things mental health and iced green tea. When she isn't writing, you can find her reading someone's birth chart, starting the newest YA novel, crying over Harry Styles, and daydreaming about moving to New York City.
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