It’s no secret that college can be a difficult time for many people to make new friends. Especially as an introverted out-of-state college student, it has been harder for me to make meaningful connections in a place where I don’t know anyone.
As someone who cares very deeply about the friends that I do have, it hurts to feel like a friendship is one-sided. Dealing with “fair-weather friends” is a delicate process, but you can salvage these relationships while also making yourself a priority.
Characteristics of fair-weather friends
If you haven’t heard the term “fair-weather friend” before, the Cambridge Dictionary defines it as “someone who is a good friend when it is easy to be one and who stops being one when you are having problems.” Think of that friend who always flakes on plans last minute, or that friend who only hits you up when their other friends are busy. These friendships ultimately only benefit one person.
It’s hard to navigate these friendships — often, these friendships have a long history and great memories. The feeling of longing for what once was can keep you holding onto that friendship. However, at some point, you need to stand up and say enough is enough.
how do you know when enough is enough?
Friendships will inevitably go through highs and lows. So, how can you tell when they just aren’t putting effort in? During busier parts of life and personal struggles, sometimes equal effort is impossible to put into a relationship. Just because they are less responsive doesn’t mean that they don’t care anymore or that they don’t value your friendship.
You won’t have to think too hard when determining who fits the criteria of a fair-weather friend. When the topic of conversation is always about how they are doing (but they never ask how you are), you’ll know. When you look at other friend groups and wish you had that too, you’ll know. When the thought of them brings a twinge of sadness, you’ll definitely know. If this has been going on for months, it’s time to reconsider how much energy you invest in the relationship.
remember the past, look forward to the future
All friendships serve a purpose in your life, and that should be treasured and celebrated. Friendships aren’t always meant to last forever, and that’s okay. Some will naturally fizzle out as you go separate ways in life, but the memories you made together are still sweet.
Realizing someone is a fair-weather friend doesn’t mean that you have to never speak to them or hang out with them again. You should still reach out on occasion and see how they are doing. Everyone is dealing with things behind closed doors that they may not openly talk about. It’s also important to note that some friends are meant to be low-maintenance friends — but that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t ever show up for you.
Allow yourself to make more space in your life for people who value you for you. People that will show up for you, people that will care about your interests, people that will write you a card on your birthday or send you random messages to let know they think about you. Friendships are one of the most precious resources in this lifetime, so cherish the ones you have and the ones you have yet to make.