There’s a vast majority of us who have no problem committing to new opportunities that present themselves. These are the “sure, why not?” kind of people. Then there are people like myself. The ones who can’t pick out a toothbrush at Walmart because the thought of not getting the cool tongue scrubbing one and regretting it later on, is too overwhelming to bare. We’re the “absolutely not…that’s too much pressure” kind of people. If you aren’t sure where you lie on the commitment phobic spectrum, here are some ways to tell if you naturally swerve obligation.
1. Your relationship with Netflix has lasted longer than any you’ve had with the human species.
You’ve realized nobody is worth sacrificing the time you would normally spend stalking social media, drinking at bars, and watching three seasons of your favorite show in one week. The thought of having to text someone back and giving them undivided attention makes you cringe. You preplan the exit strategy you’ll use to get out of the relationship before you’re even officially in one. And God forbid that person messes up in the slightest during the first few weeks you’re seeing them- you’ll run for the hills.
2. Your friends know better than to try and make plans with you in advance.
You live life moment to moment and enjoy not having anyone count on your presence. When your friends ask you what you’re doing on Friday night your go-to answer is generally something like “I’m not sure yet. I might stay in though.” You say this knowing fully well that you’re doing something but need to explore all other options first. Essentially you’re an a-hole. But it’s ok because you openly embrace it. You can’t help but wonder what fun escapades might reveal themselves to you last minute. You never want to commit in advance to something that might suck in comparison later on.
3. Getting a pet, or even a plant, sounds a like a full-time awful job.
You can barely keep yourself alive, let alone have anything depend on your subpar nurturing efforts. When you see a puppy, you like the idea of it cuddling you and replacing that significant other you’re too afraid to have in your life. But then you think about the constant, never-ending responsibility it comes with and instantly feel like you’re the one wearing a choker leash. You were also most likely the brat who would beg for a pet as a child and then watch your parents take care of it, while you watched cartoons.
4. Needy people make you want to run away and get a new identity.
There’s always that one friend who can’t get their sh*t together or that classmate/colleague who always asks for your help. These people are the bane of your existence. Your mind wonders off thinking about tacos and Yoncé while this person will ramble on to you about their troubles and needs. You can’t relate to them because you need no one, in hopes that no one will ever need you. Your carefree lifestyle looks like a party cruise next to their shipwrecked, drama-filled lives. You’ve unsuccessfully tried to low key disappear from their lives a dozen times because their desire to have you as their crutch is essentially your living nightmare.
5. You avoid major purchases or life decisions until the last possible moment.
As hard as we try to avoid it, eventually we have to start “adulting” and making responsible choices for ourselves. The process of choosing to be stuck in a semi-permanent situation or having to do something for a long period of time, gives you minor heart palpitations. You’ll probably become an inefficient person who lives in apartments until the day they start producing children because houses don’t come with a “deuces, I’m out” policy. Let’s be honest, eeny meeny miney moe has most likely become your default method for “choosing” when it comes to any of your life altering decisions.
If these descriptions resonate with you in any type of way- you most likely suffer from Commitmentphobia. The usual treatment plan requires a lot of denial and a zero f*cks lifestyle. One day a human full of trickery will weasel their way into your heart and strap a slave band, I mean wedding ring, onto your finger. Then you can ask your parents to help take care of your children since they did such a commendable job with your pets. Oh, and I guarantee that all of the people this article actually applies to, probably made it three sentences in and then realized they couldn’t commit to reading all of it. So I applaud all of you dedicated, non-commitment phobic people that could.
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