We all have those friends. The ones we love to death, because they are the epitome of fun and independent. They’re the ringleaders of “girls’ night” and the ones that will spontaneously come over and act like an idiot with you or are constantly prodding you to go out. Then, they get a boyfriend, and everything changes. It’s like they’re a completely different person. Sometimes it’s because their significant other demands the change, and they comply. Other times it’s simply because they lose themselves in their relationship. It’s like the terms “I” and “me” have been eradicated and only “we” and “us” remain in their head.
Assigning your relationship a high priority is a necessity. With all the hard work that relationships can entail, it is nearly impossible to keep one afloat when you put it below “American Idol” and Pinterest (in fact, if “American Idol” is on your priorities list at all, you should probably rethink your list entirely). That being said, it is still imperative that you keep yourself pretty high on your list. It sounds like that would be selfish, but taking care of yourself, even emotionally, is something that will end up making you more ready for love.
I read a few articles about this subject, and there seems to be many reasons why people fall into this habit of getting lost in a relationship. Just be cautious when entering a relationship, or even if you’re in one already, to avoid men that make you feel this way. If someone asks you to constantly change, or you just feel like you have to change in order to please him, then you are probably afraid of losing him. This is incredibly unhealthy. Relationships aren’t meant to be scary. In fact, they should make you comfortable and confident in the fact that someone loves you for who you are.
Here are three tips the experts and I, after seeing it happen to one too many friends, have come up with that will help you prevent this from happening. Most importantly, remember that, as hard as it is to admit, being in such a suffocating and controlling relationship leads to unhappiness and anxiety. Getting out of such a relationship may be the hardest thing to do, but will ultimately be the best thing for you.
1. Allow yourself alone time– It doesn’t matter if it’s just a nap, a little “Hunger Games” on your patio, or a “Grey’s Anatomy” tear fest…just give yourself some space. You need it to be able to remember who you are. Being constantly surrounded by someone whose opinion you value so highly can squash your own voice if you let it. Having strong foundations when it comes to knowing who you are makes it harder for someone to knock them down.
2. Don’t forget about your friends-Again, it’s a matter of priorities. Oftentimes, your significant other becomes more important to you than your friends, and that may not always be a terrible thing, but it can lead you to being a terrible friend. Your friends are the ones who knew you before Prince Charming came along, so they can refresh your memory as well as support you throughout the relationship. Oftentimes, they are the first to tell you when something is fishy in your relationship, because you’re too invested to realize it. It sucks that friends are also often the ones that get kicked to the curb when they try to protect you. Make it a point to realize how biased your view of your relationship can be, and appreciate an outsider’s opinion.
3. Be happy with yourself- Lastly, and most importantly, find happiness within yourself. You should be whole and content without a boyfriend or girlfriend. You shouldn’t need someone to “complete you.” They should be helping you become the person you want to be instead of turning you into someone you’re not. This happiness within yourself is not easy to reach. I don’t believe there’s anyone out there that knows exactly who they are and what it took to get there. Which means it’s a long (possibly never-ending) process that always deserves your attention. I feel like it’s easier to learn about yourself outside of a relationship, but it definitely can be done within one. It’s just important that you understand that some parts of you should never be compromised…even for the one you love.